My Christmas

My Christmas vacation started with a drive by of the burning Provo Tabernacle. Maria was so kind to bring Melissa all the way to Spanish fork just to have lunch with me!

We just had to drive by the tabernacle.

My sister Jo Ann has been in Delaware for the last few months. she was introduced to Scrapple. A local delicacy that is pretty interesting. It is a pork product that is eaten for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Alone or with an egg. It was pretty interesting stuff. I am glad to say I have tried it.

My mom has an amazing winter village that she has not put up for years. This year she was too tired. Jo Ann and I cleared off the bookcase while she was at work and she promptly started putting up the village. My sister Lori helped. It was so fun to see my mom so excited.

AJ is my youngest nephew. He is 9 months old and is so big. He is eating graham crackers for the first time right here. He finally got a tooth in!

Tuesday Dec 21 Delta received quite a bit of snow. Jo Ann and I got bundled up just to go play.

My mom was trying to find her Bronco

My mom and I starting a snowman

Jo Ann and my mom making snow angels

Me and my mom making snow angels. My mom is completely giddy in snow and promptly plopped down for an angel. She acted like she was 17 years old ha ha ha good good times

Mom found some more village stuff. It was on sale before Christmas for 50% off. She just 'had' to get a few more pieces to fill the book case! 

My niece Shay is in a singing group that went caroling. Shay is the second from the left. She had such expressive facial expressions while singing. Too fun!

Christmas Eve we decorated cookies for Santa. Lori and her son Ty

Jo ann and Ty

Shay

Jo Ann made us t-shirts for Christmas. Mine said Wonder Ann (my nickname) Brent (my bro) loves Modern Family and his wife Jenni is pregnant. Her shirt said Prego Princess in sparkly pink decals. We all loved our shirts.  And Brent WTF?

Over all Christmas was great fun. I realized Josh is an ass. And that a year ago Dan and I decided to get divorced. It still hurts.

I have decided to stay in Portland for a few more months. I am not sure why it just seems to be the thing to do. I miss everyone in Utah so much. I hate being alone out here. But I choose to live here and now I have to accept it. I can be happy or sad.

Happy New Year!

Whew We Made It

I survived another over the top party. My ward had their Christmas party on Friday.

The wedding arches almost made me loose my mind. I was wondering why do we need them? This is not a wedding. People are coming to see Santa, eat and go home.

Yet I gave 11 hours to this party. And I was not alone. There were tons of us working. The amount of man hours that went into this party was amazing. Luckily many ward members stayed and cleaned up. I was so exhausted.

I was in charge of the Santa picture station. I put the tree together and decorated it and the presents-isn't the chair amazing? Then I did the center pieces. Then I cooked. For some reason this ward does not send around the list to sign up for funeral potatoes, salad, rolls, dessert (with the ward supplying the ham and drink). Oh no. So Janice (VT partner-see Halloween post) and I worked and worked to heat up yams, hams, potatoes, pies, rolls, green beans, made punch and fresh cream for the pies. It was exhausting. I am amazed. How did we not exceed the budget? How come the ward does not bring food? Is this a new thing? I admit that I have not been to many ward activities but I seem to remember sign up sheets going around.

I have heard a rumor that Church wide the activities committee is being dissolved. Wards have up to 6 months to phase them out. And then they will go away as well as the budget for them. Interesting huh?

I am off to Utah again on Thursday. I am one lucky girl to be allowed to do whatever I want on the holidays!

Almost too Personal to Share.

Honest and frank post.

Josh has been a good friend. I have never thought of him romantically until April 2010. He broke my heart by getting married.

He moved in with his parents about a month after being married. He emailed me and apologized. It seemed to be a sincere and heartfelt apology. He said he made a mistake. I have sympathy because I made a huge mistake . . . DAN. I decided to listen to him and hear what he has to say.

There is definitely something between us. He is such a great healing thing for my heart. I wonder if that is all. Just rebound. I am confused. I am to the point I would rather be alone than with a man. I wonder if all men are users and moochers and porn watchers. I know you friends who are married have good honorable husbands but I wonder about the men who are not married. Josh has his faults and I can deal with them. I think I can be happy with him.

I wont move to Utah for him. I have been really hurt he wont move here for me. I have a great job. He does not; he has kids. He does not want to move here because it is so far from his children. I can respect that. But I am worth moving for. I am. I do have a hang up with moving because I moved for Dan and we all see where that went. i am not willing to start over on a job just for a man who will turn out to be scum in about a year. I am not willing to sacrifice my life for any man. So I guess that means I dont love him.

All week I have listened to stories from girl friends who supported and worked 2 jobs etc while their spouses, boyfriends, etc used them. I have learned my lesson and will not give anything to a man again. I have to take care of me. But then I feel that is opposite of everything I thought marriage was. I thought it was about giving and sacrificing for the betterment of your family. But I am leaning toward being selfish and taking care of my and my needs. and what do I need? Nothing a man can give me-other than someone to care for.  I crave that. I want to be part of something. I want to work toward something. I want to think of someone beside myself.

I want love. Not just sex. I can get that anywhere. . . and the best thing I bought myself was a little 'bullet'. I want to be loved. I want to be the priority of some man. A man who will move to Oregon to be with me. A man who will buy me presents at Christmas. A man who will talk to me and share his life with me.

My past dictates that men do not like me. I think Josh is willing to be with me and I better take this chance. He made a mistake. He is trying to make it right-kinda. Well that is what I am thinking.

Josh does not have access to my blog. He is in the middle of an annulment/divorce

2nd Installment-no pics to break up the monotony

Last Tuesday  received a call from Dr S from Pioneer Pacific College. He offered me a job. I had applied for a teaching position at this crazy school back in March He said he had kept my application in hopes that I would accept a position when there was an opening. I was all sorts of flattered that someone kept my resume for 8 months when I cannot get a single dental office or chain pharmacy to call me for an interview. I do not know why I look so bad on paper that no one will call me.

I was thrilled at the chance to teach pharmacy technician classes at the overpriced college. I am not ashamed to say I would teach at this school. I know they are crazy but I know I would enjoy teaching and would love to get some experience to build my resume. I also would love to have some more income!

I called Dr S back and he said he had a position available for 12 hours a week some night classes and some day. I mentioned I worked during the day. He told me he would call me back the following morning when he got into his office and we could work out a schedule. Well he did not call. He called the following night-I let it go to voicemail. He said he worked all day rearranging the schedule so that I would have only night classes. He asked me to call him anytime Friday. I called him Friday 3 times and left 2 messages. I heard nothing back until Tuesday (two days ago). He urgently expresses how he has to meet me TODAY and that he needs to get me hired so I can be ready for the new term.

By now I am a little irritated with Dr S. How come he was so irritated and urgent with me when I was the one doing everything I could to get this job. I was in Utah. I could not meet him. He was the one who had not called me back. It was frustrating.

In the meantime I left friends and family in Utah. I cried and cried. I was not at all excited to go home to my empty, cold, dark apartment. I walked into the apartment and after turning up the heat I logged onto KSL to look for jobs in Utah. I decided I was moving back. There was a job in Highland Heights. I applied.

Tuesday I told my Dr that I applied for a Utah job and he was torn. He wanted me to be happy and said he would give me a great reference; but he wanted me to stay. He even offered to take my last patient so I could leave and go meet Dr S. My dr hates to do cleanings and so I knew that I was so lucky to have him as a boss. He really wants me to stay.

So Dr S. . . I called him Tues before I left work and he said he would have to call me back. I was frustrated with him. I do not have a car and was going to buy Dan's car-out of desperation- just to get to this job. Dr S finally called me back and said. . . Mary Ann how did you hear about us? I was surprised. . . I said ummm you called me last week. Needless to say the conversation turned to how soon I could meet him. I said not for a few days. I then mentioned that I had plane tickets for Christmas in Utah. He said Oh, I cannot hire you then. I don't have anyone to cover those classes.  There you go. I did not get the job.  I am secretly relieved. Dr S was a scatterbrain. Yet I would love to work 12 hours a week teaching. Longest story ever.

I am conflicted. My lease is up. I am homesick. I am lonely. I am TERRIFIED to make a decision. I obviously cannot be trusted to make good decisions. My last major decision turned out shitty. I am paralyzed with fear of making the wrong choice. What do I do? Do I move back to Utah? Do I date Josh? Do I stay in Portland? Do I buy Dan's car? Do I renew my lease? What do I do? ? ? ?

1st Installment

I cannot believe I have not posted for almost a month. What is my deal? I am sure you are all dying to know what I am up to. ha ha ha.

I went to Utah for Thanksgiving. It was so much fun. I lost my voice after talking and talking and talking to all my dear friends. I have missed you all so much. I cannot even begin to express how lonely Portland and my apartment is right now. I dreaded entering my cold, dark and empty apartment. It has been a hard couple of days. Luckily I have been working and my patients and co-workers and Dr have helped me adjust back into Portland life.

I have been busy making those little bags for a few friends. Thank you for letting me make them! It has been fun. My newest project has been gloves. They are texting gloves-with trigger finger and thumb fold-away flaps. These were for my sister Jo Ann in Delaware. I feel so amazing making these. brag brag brag.

My nephew Ty and I at the high school's production of Beauty and the Beast. Ty's fav was Gaston and my niece Shay kept questioning the beast and if 'for really real in real life was he a beast?'  I just want to go on record that I was in Utah 10 days and put contacts in 0 times and make-up on three times.

This is my cute mom. She has Celiac (gluten allergy) for about two years. This is her eating her favorite cottage cheese and peaches WITH her first sandwich in two years! She finally found bread she liked. It has been a search and a miracle. She ate a whole loaf in about 3 days (the loaves are tiny with only about 10 slices). Her highlight was having an 'actual sandwich with miracle whip and turkey' She then enjoyed french toast and toast with her daily cup of hot chocolate.  She is the cutest cutest cutest woman in the world.

She even let Shay do her hair.

Ty and Shay were being so cute playing together with an i-Touch. I have enjoyed them so much this trip. I miss them so much.

My sister and her cute kids. I am so glad she shares them with me. I miss her. She is such a strong woman and I am proud to call her sister.