Opening and Closing Doors.

It is official. I gave my 2 week notice today. My last day at Cedar Dental Center will be Oct 30. I am then leaving from the parking lot to move to Oregon. This is going to be a very hard thing for me to do. I have many people who I want to say goodbye to. The last 14 years of my life have been here in Cedar City. I have made many many great and dear friends. I am aching from the fact I have to say goodbye to my beloved Cedar Breaks. I will miss the red cliffs at dawn. I will miss the Shakespeare Festival, humbug lollies, Melling Drive, the smell of the milk plant, the wind, the dust, the freshly cut alfalfa, the college radio station, the dental office and all the patients I have grown to love and care for, the pharmacy and all the patients I have grown to love and care for. I will miss so many people--so many of you have impacted my life for good and I will truly miss you. I will miss the sunsets, the lazy summer evenings sitting on the lawn, the fire pit and chocolate marshmallows--I'm sure they don't have them in OR:). I am tearing up now so I am going to talk about something else...

So Oregon is going to rock. It is so green there. I really think I am going to love it. It will be a great adventure for me and Dan. It will be so wonderful to be in the same town as Dan. I look forward to seeing him everyday. I am slightly nervous about navigating the city but I'll figure it out sooner or later....probably later and after I have been lost a few times. But what a great opportunity for me to learn the ins and outs of another city. I am sure there are some great hikes I can go on and I'll fall in love with the city and the surrounding areas. While today I love the rain I may become sick of it. I think it will be a while though because I really like the rain and the smell and the coolness it gives the air. I am also looking forward to seeing the historical stuff like the Oregon Trail stuff. It will be great to learn more about that part of history.

I guess that I am pretty happy to have a door opening after closing such a beloved door. I will miss you CC!!!!

A Great Flashlight Holder

So I went to Portland again this weekend...sorry for not calling Emily! I admit I could have made time for you but then when would I have kissed Dan? I just don't know why or how you came in second. Anyway, I was in Portland for 5 days. It was a lot of craziness. I LOVE being in Dan's company. When I am not around him I start freaking out. I get all nervous and start doubting my feelings and his feelings and stuff and stuff.

I went to class with Dan at Portland State Univ. It was weird being back on a campus again. I missed it a little but then when they were talking about tests and projects and papers I was really glad I was finished--well for a min. Oregon does have the expanded RDH and the restorative RDH and the Limited Access Permit (practice RDH w/o dentist supervision ie nursing home) and so I know a girl who is going to be checking into those and probably taking a class or two.

For the weekend we went to Hermiston to Dan's parents place and worked on cars all night long. Yes you heard me ALL night long. It was so cold I thought I was having a seizure. And since I am the pro at intricate auto workings I got the important job of flashlight holder! I felt so productive and useful-yeah right I felt like a clueless Barbie doll. Anyway we worked all night until about 11 am when we loaded all the metal and took it to be recycled and then we came home showered and slept. THEN woke up worked some more then slept and woke up @ 2am to get me back to Portland to fly out by 8:30am. So pretty much the entire weekend was sleep deficient for Mary Ann. It was rough. I am a very grouchy person when I am hungry and tired. So Dan got to see a little glimpse of the cranky me..although I held it in pretty well and managed to earn the title of 'best flashlight holder ever' bestowed by his friend Caralee who has mad mechanic skills. She was so nice and did not make me feel worthless or intimidated while she worked her tush off with the rest of us.

So while things are going well in Portland I am still trying to listen to everyone. It is hard to be objective because I want to be with Dan so much. I feel it is a good decision. BUT there are a lot of people out there who are scared for me and don't want to see me get hurt. To all of them I have to say....The only way I will not get hurt is to not try something new. I don't want to get hurt either but I cannot live in my little basement apt for the rest of my life either. I need to grow and if getting growing pains is required then I need to learn to take the good with the bad. I am not sure what the future holds. I just hope I can take the downs with all the ups!

How Blind Am I??????

World, I am ready to introduce you to Dan. He is all I think about right now. Just some quick stats...He lives in Portland---that's in Oregon. He has 2 daughters, he is a student @ PSU. He is in the National Guard. He is a skilled auto mechanic. He sings along to the radio. #11 is malpositioned in the cutest way! He has scared the shit out of my father. He makes me smile. He is a GREAT kisser. He opens my doors. He gives me flowers. He has made my phone minutes increase from 741 one month to 4800 this month and still have 12 days to go--thank heaven for Verizon!! I know you're dying to know how we met---online. Scary huh? Almost all of my friends and family are scared of him. I'm not. What can I say except there is a saying about love and blindness....hmmmm. I think I fit this saying. Well that is all I'm going to say for now....and even this might be too much. I will probably wish I had not said anything, but I have held it in for so long I just wanted to share. Feel free to express your true feelings and warnings. I really could use the dose of reality. We are all still friends right?

Time after Time

Time is a funny thing. Sometimes it goes by really fast and other times it creeps along. Time is wasted and time is taken for granted. Time is never made up and is always lost. Time does not stop for us mere mortals. It is one of the true constants in our lives. So why does time mean so much to me and not so much to someone else? I want time....how do I get it? I am pretty sure Wal-mart does not have it for sale in their clearance isle. So can I order it online? Nope. So can I make time? I try to that a lot, but have been unsuccessful. I guess I will be frustrated and frustrating until I figure this time thing out.

I will leave you with one of my all time favorite quotes..."So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time we are given"....Lord of the Rings

Y

So today I am super mad. I am so frustrated with good and evil. This weekend I found out that yet another friend of mine is going through divorce. I am super pissed. What the Hell? What is wrong with men and women today? What is the point of being married? Is there no security in any relationship? What have I been looking for all these years? I'll tell you....I have been looking for a man who can handle me and all my weirdness and greatness--and can give some good... Now I have realized that the odds of achieving this are very small, minuscule, obsolete.

So this realization of my odds make me question my whole spiritual foundation. I mean if a person loves the Lord and follows the commandments to the best of their ability and understanding and yet no eternal marriage is achieved what hope do I have who am flawed and fail at commandments. I really feel like jumping off the deep end and breaking a few commandments on purpose....could be fun could break my heart who knows. All I know is that I am frustrated with the hope of ever having a healthy relationship.

Bring on the Pain

When did I become a mean hygienist?

Today I realized I was being more aggressive than I needed to be. This patient of mine had not been to the dentist for about 15 years. He brushes 4 min each day. His tissues are healthy-no inflammation and only a few 4 mm areas. He has all 32 teeth! His third molars were really clean. There was not much subra-gingival calculus so I figured it had to be sub-gingival--nope. He did have some don't fool your self but as I was digging and digging and he was just laying there taking the abuse I realized that I was being quite aggressive and I wondered...when did I become that kind of hygienist? I used to believe it was alright to leave a piece of calc here or there if it got the patient to enjoy the experience and come back. But somehow I have changed. I guess I am so worried about leaving a piece of calc that I just cannot be the gentle hygienist I used to be. Now tonight instead of worrying about if I left a piece of calculus I worry that I wont see this patient again for 10 years---and he was so cute! He did the cutest thing. You know when you are working on the lower anterior teeth and the patient tenses up their lower lip muscle and it knocks you off your fulcurm? Well I am in the habit of holing my left thumb there to protect my patient from knocking me off. I dont want to slip and cut them!! Well I felt this patients lip tense up and then relax then tense up and then as I applied more pressure to counteract his tensing he would relax again. I could tell it was a conscious effort for him to do that. He also was very concerned about where his tongue was. He was the most conscientious patient I have ever had---he is married---Now I understand him a bit better (I know him outside of work). Anyway, how do you not be the mean hygienist and yet remove all deposit?

When Dealth Comes Knockin...

Death is such a weird beast. It is also dominating my life recently. As many of you have heard about the plane crash that took 10 members of Cedar City. I knew them. I know hundreds of people who are deeply touched by this loss. Then today a patient told me another member of Cedar passed away this morning from pancreatic cancer and then at lunch I got a message from my mom. My mom does not call during the day and by the tone of her voice I knew something was wrong. Sure enough my uncle died in his sleep. What a surprise. My dad's youngest bro. gone. game over. peace out.

Anyway it was not an expected death and I am not sure how I am feeling about it. I have mixed feelings. I see the good and I see the bad. Luckily I know I will see him and everyone else who has passed on again. I am comforted by that fact!