Kymberly and I went to The Lion King in Portland last night. It was beautiful and wonderful. It was so good to see live theater again. I have missed it very much since leaving Cedar City. Kym and I had a great dinner before the show. We went to Mortons The Steakhouse. It was such an experience. The menu was a visual menu. They showed us the steaks and lobster that were the largest I have ever seen in my life. So Kym and I decided to share a steak. It was cooked perfectly and seasoned just right. We also had steamed asparagus. It was perfect. After the play we went back to Mortons and had a creme brule. It too was perfect.It was a great night full of conversation and talent. Friday morning I went to the courthouse to get the official divorce decree so I can get my name changed. It was harder than expected. I almost did not go get it. I cried and cried. It was harder than I anticipated. I kept yelling at myself to just go to the courthouse and get the papers so I can move on with my life. I wanted to procrastinate it but decided I did not want to cry anymore. So I went. I was not able to go to the DMV or Social Sec Office because I took too much time crying ha ha ha.
I ended up going into work on Friday for about 3 hours. We are interviewing yet another front office person. We have not had good luck. It has been hard. Our books are a mess. The charts are a mess. I am a mess. I now know how to take payments and print walkouts and all that stuff I have not had to do. It is good for me. Anyway Friday Dr M wanted Kym and I to have lunch with a woman he wants to hire. He wants to make sure we can work with her. She is nice. But Kym likes the temp we have had for a week better. Both are looking for work. The job market is so tough right now. I cannot believe it.
I have been feeling pressure to move to Utah but I am really worried about the job market there. I do not think I would find a better office. And I know they would not pay me what I am making here in Portland. Lets face it, Utah dentists are cheap of the cheap. I mean here in Portland they pay their receptionists $20 and their assistants $30. But they also charge $350 per quad SRP. I don't know what to do. Going to The Lion King made me lonely. We sat by two couples who were just cute and affectionate. Their love made me jealous. I am sick to death of being alone. I think I am amazing. I know how to have fun, be frugal, cook food, clean house, bargain shop, work hard, . . . and on and on. So just because my body size is larger than Hollywood portrays and the media expects men wont even look at me. Except Dan. I still have to fight him off, literally-not even 2 hours ago. Ugh. Why? There must be some other defect i am overlooking because I have dated tons and met tons of men. None are ever interested. It hurts my heart. I wish I could find a man who chooses to follow the LDS standards who is decent and good. It really is harder than it looks. My counselor told me that the men in my demographic are a mess. He is speaking about men in my age and my religion. Part of me wants to say forget religion and date whoever makes me happy and treats me right, works hard and contributes to society instead of draining it. Well enough soap box today.
7 comments:
I have heard for a long time you want to make money you have to leave utah! job market stinks i think you would be wise to make sure you have a job before you go anywhere. and realy how smart is it to leave the one you have now? it seems like that job just fits. so did you see dan? or just fighting the feelings? i am really seeing your pain. alone or alone in the gospel but not in love. it is hard and you have to make the choice. i tell you that no one will blame you for making either desision! Love you and see you soon!
I'm sorry Mair. I'm glad you know you are amazing. Don't forget it! I think your counselor is right that there are a lot of jacked up men in your 'demographic' but I hope, HOPE, hope and believe there is one out there for you that has what you want and will treat you wonderfully! You are not asking too much! I'm glad you are getting out and doing such fun things and enjoying perfect steak. Keep doing those things!! And moving...yes that is the question these days! It looks like we'll be saying bye-bye to FL, and hello to who knows where?! Moving can be fun and good, but it is always hard at the same time. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
First, let me start with, if I lived in Portland, I would be ALL over the job in the office. I have said to find a good man and date him, no matter what his religion. Any religion is better than NO religion. You deserve all that life has to offer and I know it is out there waiting for you. Dan is OUT of his mind. You are an example of strength and courage.
that is a tough decision about working....it really does sound like you are in the PERFECT office (other than the whole front office thing)! your dr. is so nice and generous all the time. we are planning to start back in utah, so we can be closer to family....but i know we can make more in other states.
you ARE amazing....don't forget it! stay strong, you will be blessed! And then next time he tries to make a move... kick dan where it counts (maybe not literally, ha ha)
PS....Isn't lion king THE BEST?!?!?!?
The market in Utah does suck and dentists are soooo cheap here!! But I really feel you should be close to your family and get some normalcy back in your life. I'm definitely struggling with body image too! Having two kids has left my body a wreck. I keep comparing myself to others and not appreciating what I have. I'm sooo sick of all these stick thin, skinny little bitches that eat whatever they want and have 20 kids and look amazing! I have to kill myself at the gym every day just to get into my pants. My point is, I don't think anyone is happy with their body, and anyone who judges you by it is a jerk!
Stay in Portland. You are having too much fun and making too much money to move back here. Utah sucks and I will probably have to move out of state for a job.
Men are yucky everywhere. It's really hard to find a good one. It's so funny how I was so ready to go change my name and all that. I was like, Woo hoo! When does the courthouse open? I was first in line. My driver's license expires soon and I'm really attached to it because that's the one I got right after the D with my maiden name back on. I really don't want to give that up.
You are amazing and awesome and it's okay to feel lonely. I don't understand Dan and why he's so weird. Stay away! ;)
I second everything Maria says.
Stay in Portland-- it's a good place for you right now.
And the sentence that sticks out in this one? "I did not want to cry anymore."
So don't. You're a ninja. :-)
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