A Wonderful Weekend

I got home from my weekend in Utah for Memorial Day on Monday night. Dan offered to pick me up from the airport. I agreed. I was taking advantage of his kindness. But behold he was being sneaky....big surprise. He ended up taking me to see Robin Hood. I enjoyed Russel Crowe and the movie. Sometimes I liked the music and sometimes I didn't. So there you go...

Tuesday night Dan showed up at my door with flowers. We ran to get a burger and came back to the apartment to talk. He wanted to get back together with me. I was dying. I had been begging him for months to get back with me and here he was two days before signing our divorce papers asking me to come back. He proceeded to list all the things I needed to change. I asked what he thought he needed to change. And all I got was him trying to get some action. I started not feeling well.  I realized right then and there that I was so lucky that Dan left me. I am happier without him. It kind of hurts my heart to say that. This past month I have found my happy Mair....my muchness....me....myself. I told Dan I did not want to try again and went into the bathroom and did not come out til Thursday. Dan texted mean hurtful things. I thought it was odd that Dan and I switched places. I know he was hurt. I feel bad I hurt him. I feel bad our marriage failed. But most of all I felt bad I ate that burger. I got way sick. Wednesday i had to call in sick. I have never called in sick as a hygienist before. It was hard. But I was so sick. I wanted to die. I smelled like I did.

Wednesday Dan came over. He brought me crackers and Gatorade. He cleaned up my garbage can full of puke and the bowl of puke. He then tried to get in my pants more than a few times. I kept pushing him away. I was irritated. I told him I was not going to be with him. I told him I was sick. I was not in the mood to fight. I just wanted to lay down and die. He finally left.

Thursday is early work day. I got there at 6:30 am. I worked til noon. Dr M had to get come calc I missed on the lower anterior, I took one bitewing backwards, and I was slow. But I made it. I finished all my patients and was still standing. I was still weak and visited the bathroom. I got off work and went home. Got in my truck and left to go to the airport. I picked Josh up and went to the courthouse. The whole day Dan had been texting me. I thought he had forgotten Josh was coming but Dan was just playing games. He finally came out and asked if I was bringing Josh to the courthouse. I was not going to. I did not. Josh was a champ and completely understanding and wonderful. He had me drop him off at a motor sports store and i went to the courthouse. I was there for a total of 39 minutes. I visited two different bathrooms. I am now wondering if my stomach issues are from that dang burger or from my nerves. We get our signatures notarized and we filed the paper in such a short time that I was shocked. It was so easy it was hard. Dan just walked away from me as we exited the courthouse. No goodbye. No thanks. Nothing. I started to cry and I cried for about 20 minutes. I picked up Josh and put it behind me. Josh tried to hard to comfort me and to help me know he understood how hard filing even a crappy marriage is hard.

We went to my apartment. I freshened up a bit and we went to see Prince of Persia. It was exactly what I wanted. . . .to make out in the dark with someone who cared about me. Please don't think I am a flousy. I am not taking Josh forgranted. I am not being reckless with his heart. I am trying to be careful. But I also sure enjoyed pure make-out.

Friday I my stomach was still a bit grumbly so we hung out at the mall for a while before I needed a nap. Josh was a champ dealing with my sickness.

Saturday we went downtown to enjoy the Rose Festival carnival and Saturday Market. We had a blast. The sun was shining. The navy ships were in the river and looked huge and amazing. It was great. Then we went to Kym's (co-worker) house for dinner.

Sunday after I had gone to church I took Josh to the Columbia River Gorge. We wend down the Historic Highway. This highway starts at the Vista House...see picture at the end. My Internet and blogger are fighting me and I am loosing ha ha ha

Anyway we enjoyed the several waterfalls and lush green forest of the highway-even in the rain.Monday we went to the coast. We started in Seaside-my favorite. As we were walking on the beach I saw something in the water. As we got closer we realized it was a seal or sea lion....not sure the difference. He/She came on shore for some sun. He did not look injured. He did not care that we got this close. Although I went to touch him and he growled at me. He let me know I had entered his personal space. We respected that and moved on. But how cool was it to see? I loved it!

The self portraits are my favorite. I had a wonderful weekend.

Tuesday I had to go to work. Josh came downtown to my office to have lunch with me. He braved the Max Light Rail and a big unknown city. He totally faced the unfamiliar just for me. After work I took him to the airport.It was quite sad. I was ready for my apartment back-my space. But I sure did enjoy the company. I could get used to having someone in my life. Ok I could have Josh in my life. He showed me a different universe from Dan. He respected me and my standards. He was amazingly kind. I felt so loved and worshiped from him. He knows I am scared and was very careful not to say too much. I know he wanted to say more than "You're Damn Lucky" (The three words he told me-lol). I am hesitant to open myself.

Josh told me he had dreamt about me before we reconnected in April. I am not sure what that means. All I know is that Josh makes me feel amazing. I could get used to feeling that way everyday. I know I am angry because I have not been able to find love. Am I that repulsive? Hard to live with? Annoying? I am tired of being alone. All my adult life has been alone. I want to settle down. I am dreading dating. Ugh just the thought makes me cringe. What will my future hold? I am not sure. But I know this. I am wonderful and I deserve to be treated better than I was. I am damaged but I am healing. I want to be married again. I want to be with someone who is honest and true and loyal to me. Might have to get a dog to get that lol. Anyway it was a great weekend and I was sad to let him go back home.