Oregon State Fair

I have a had a bad week. I hurt. I cry. I hate myself. I think of girls in my situation and in the past part of me believed that they attracted this drama to them and that they choose looser men. Well I am here to say I know in my heart I was supposed to marry Dan. I was supposed to give him a chance to be the man he could be. He failed. Not me. Josh was also a man who was given the opportunity to choose the higher road and chose the lesser one. For some reason I had to be there for both of them. I know I was supposed to text Josh back in April. These facts keep me from going insane with depression. Knowing that I did the right thing and they did not.

Friday came and I was sitting there getting an oil change and Dan called with his daughter Anna. They invited me to come with them to the Oregon State Fair. After much convincing I went. We had a great day! Honestly! It was so fun. There was an ESPN loggers sporting event taking place. We watched girls run logs on water, men with axes cut through trees, solo and team sawing, chain saw, and pole climbing. It was so fun. We would watch for a few minutes and then move on to another attraction and end up back with the loggers. I really liked it.

Dan paid for everything! That is the first time that has happened. I was shocked and loved it. I usually feel bad when I do not pay my own way but not yesterday. I took it all and enjoyed it. For lunch we shared the enormous burger seen above. It was huge. We sat down and this man and his adult son and friend were just sitting down to a 3 foot corn dog. We laughed at our enormous fair food and dug in. The men finished easily. They went back for a burger after looking at ours. We struggled and we were not able to finish our entire burger. It was pretty tasty though. I was surprised. Later we had good ice cream cones. We went on tons of rides. Dan pooped out on most of them so Anna and I went. It was so fun. I loved it. One guy on the tilt a whirl asked if I was available to go out when he got off work. I smiled and did not reply. How can I get out there again? The men in my age group are either taken or loosers, liars, and cheaters. Or just plain creepers! I guess I have missed my window of opportunity. It really sucks and I really hate it and I am really angry about it.

I know tons of you are judging me about hanging out with Dan all day. Well go ahead. Think I am stupid and a looser. It was nice to have a friend to enjoy the fair. I love it. The animals, the tractors, the vendors, the games, the rides, the loggers, the smell of fresh kettle corn, the perfect 73 degree Salem Oregon day! It was wonderful. I loved every minute of it. It helped me forget the loneliness I have in my life and the rejection and the hurt, and the betrayal.

Today my plans are to read Mockingjay and enjoy my day.