When I Have Grown a Foot or Two

I grew up singing a favorite primary song as a child. We sang it in my home and at church. My grandparents loved listening to us sing-I hope they call me on a mission, when I have grown a foot or two.....

Growing up in an LDS family I had great opportunities to hear many men and women give reports on their missions. One of the first times I distinctly remember feeling the Spirit was after a young man spoke about his mission. It was not until I was a few years older that I realized why I loved listening to missionaries--the Spirit. Anyway, I learned young that I loved to listen to the missionaries. I looked up to them and wanted to be like them. 

The I turned 16 and wanted to date some of them.

Then I turned 21 and decided not to become one of them for various reasons I know are true and right. 

Then I turned 25 and realized I was too old to dream about dating freshly returned missionaries anymore--I had to give up that dream. It was a hard thing to do. I had looked up to and forward to missionaries for so much of my life and to let go of the idea of dating and then marrying a freshly returned missionary was very heart breaking and quite a milestone in my life. 

Then I turned 30 and thought that the missionaries were too young.  Not only were they too young they were too inexperienced. They did not understand sin, repentance, mistakes, forgiveness etc like I thought I did.  I was no longer attracted to them and sought for deeper spiritual stimulation. Another milestone. . . 

Then yesterday at 39 years old I was cleaning a freshly returned missionary's teeth and as I did so I realized that I was 19 when he was born. Holy Cow! Where did my life go. How did I get old enough to be the mom of a missionary and still not have my own little one? How did I age this quick? What have I done with my life? 

Who knows. I think I am having a mid life---older missionary ---crisis!

4Th of July

Thursday I was sitting on the front steps and watering our lawn. I was playing a little with Suzie-she was more interested in all the neighbors. Quite a few of the neighbors had family over and were playing, giggling, laughing and simply enjoying the rare wind free night. I noticed that in the past this kind of situation would have hurt my heart. I would have felt lonely and alone and sad I didnt have family around. This year an amazing thing happened. I was not sad. I was happy for my neighbors. I was happy Scott was able to work and provide for us-even though he was on graveyard shifts. I was happy that while I was alone I was not lonely. I have not felt that way for 20 years. I am so happy that I am finally able to have a family-even if it is just Scott and Suzie. Everyone is in a different place in life. I know for me I have been in a lonely place for many years. I know my Heavenly Father loves me and that He watched over me while I was alone. I hope that I can feel this way for a long time. I do not like feeling lonely. . . .
Anyway, that was my 4th. Home alone but not lonely.