The Incredible Me

My life has been an adventure. I want to begin about 2006. I had just graduated for dental hygiene school. I got my old job full time in Cedar City Utah at Albertsons Pharmacy. I was traveling to Indiana. I asked for a job while mixing a prescription of creams for a diaper rash (called pink swizzle lol). I was mixing it for my future employers little boy. As I was mixing the pink concoction I asked him in his office needed a hygienist. He said yes. Life was perfect. I was living with my dear friend Angie and the Hamlet house. . . with the crazy cat lady downstairs. . .good times. I had not been on a date for over 2 years. It was depressing but reality.

Time goes on. I get told constantly from patients in the pharmacy and in the dental office that I was amazing, beautiful, a catch, perfect, funny, and wonderful. They all asked why I wasn't married. In my head I kept thinking because I cant get a man to ask me to marry him. I had done my share of asking men out. I joined an LDS online dating website. I made a deal to instigate (write) to two men a week and go from there. I also bought two tickets to a Globetrotters game with the intent to find a date. I asked and asked. I even asked a patient. He was so clueless that I was asking him out that when the words finally set in he had already said no but was trying to take it back and I was so hurt and mad that I would not hear it. I just said I'll go get the dr for your exam. I ended up going to the game with Lizi . . . more good times.

Friends from church and in my personal life were confused as to why I did not have a man pursuing me. I too wondered what was wrong with me. I know I am not a model. I am not a size 6. I am not plastic. I am just me. I like me. I am happy with me. I have a great career I have my stuff together. I am smart. I am kind. I am thoughtful. I work hard. I can change a tire. I can make my own salsa and bread and jerky. I can hold my own at Rook and Pollyanna. blah blah blah.

I found Dan. He worked hard to convince me to marry him. I did. It ended. I have been struggling with self image issues. For a year. Just recently I have remembered I am great. I am a good person. I did fail at my marriage but I can try again. I am beautiful. I am smart. I am a great hygienist. I am nice. I am personable. I am wonderful.

I am sitting here watching a Queen Latifah movie 'Just Wright'. She experiences the same thing. Being 35 and having men think she is wonderful and fun but only good for a friend. I laughed at this movie and it's cheesiness. But the truth is the same. Most men do not value me.

What tickles my fancy even more is that Sunday while waiting for the bus a man offered me some food from Taco Bell 'with no strings attached just food and maybe the chance to talk to me longer because I looked so beautiful' and then tonight when I came home from the bookstore there were two men out smoking by my stairs. I did the smile and nod and proceeded up the stairs while holding my breath. One man said 'now there is a great smile' I thanked him and kept on my way. I got to the top floor and I heard them say 'have you seen her before?' 'no' 'she is hot' 'i know' I am chuckling because this does not ever ever ever happen to me. and I love it!

I am blessed to have Todd tell me daily the hundreds of ways he thinks I am beautiful and amazing. It is pretty great being reminded of these things. I am who I am and I am great.