This morning I was going over my patient charts for the day and looked up and saw the sunrise. It was so touching to me. I loved it. I have enjoyed so many sunrises from the windows on the 7th floor of The Medical Dental Building in Downtown Portland. My heart had a little pang at realizing that this will be one of the few more I will experience.
I will miss Mt St Helens and Mt Ranier just to the left.
I will miss the geese. This picture is taken of the field between my apartment complex and the Beaverton Transit Center (where major bus lines and max train converge).
I feel icky today. I was made to feel insecure about my decision to be with Scott and about my reason to move; leaving the best job I have ever (and possible will) had. Dr M has been conducting interviews this week. It has been hard to watch the women come in competing for my job. I suddenly got territorial about my hygiene department and especially my patients! This primal urge caused me to question the wisdom in leaving the position. Then a friend and office web designer emailed me questioning my decision to move. The the girls from the perio office upstairs questioned my decision to move. Then my patient who flat out tells us the only reason he comes to our office is because of me, told me that some people value relationships more than they should. Then the next interviewee arrived. I was suddenly overcome by insecurity and worry I was repeating history.
I understand that general protocol states dating should last years, engagements should last as long as dating, and celibacy is not an option. I know LDS couples have short engagements and often remain moral human beings. Maybe that is the difference. All these people who questioned my decision making ability have no concept of this moral behavior. It is foreign to them. Their liberal minds cannot comprehend that it is possible to commit to someone I have not 'test driven'. Their level of acting on faith is not acceptable. Facts are concrete and easier to comprehend. I cannot let these people make me doubt my feelings and doubt what I know. I know moving to Utah will be a good decision for me. I know moving to Portland was a good decision and while that decision caused me much pain it also made me stronger and was a good decision. If I am destined to hurt again then I will. I am going to go, grasp this chance, learn new things, meet new people, probably try a new job, give my heart, share some love, come home to someone, trust my heart, have faith, and become a wife.
3 comments:
I am so proud of you! :) Life will be good for you. Heavenly Father wants you to be happy and to have blessings that come with finding a companion. I am going to get you a copy of the book I am reading. In fact, money needs to grow on trees because I have 3 people in my life that will benefit greatly from the book.
Whoa....big news!!!! i'm excited to be in the same state as you!!! :) when do you make the move? i can totally understand the whole territorial issue with work. it's really hard to see someone else interview for your job. i hated it in ohio, but you move on and sooner or later it will be out of sight out of mind! When are you moving??
K I'm excited!! I think this will be a great thing. It must be awful to leave that great job, but I think Scott will be worth it ;)
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