I am ridiculous! I cannot believe myself. Less than a month ago I got a 20% raise and life in the dental world was amazing! Yesterday I had to fight all my emotions and instinct not to quit. Right now-this very minute I feel like the worst RDH in the world. I feel like my Drs are less than satisfied with my work and that I am leaving deposit everywhere in the mouth. So in honor of Crystal I will start my pity party with a list....
1. My doc told me I had left plaque on the last couple of patients!
2. I could not remember how to use the Diagnodent!
3. When I see a patient I saw 6 months ago I wonder if I left stuff and that is why they are so heavy this time
4. When a patient request a RDH other than me I get all butt sore-why?
5. I had to look up what familial tremors were on my patients Hx!
6. I had to give my first wisdom tooth extraction injections and had to ask which ones and how many carps go in each spot.
7. I had to look up how to do a buccal injection!
8. I need to go BACK to remedial scaling school right now!
Ok the party is over. So don't cry for me hygienists! ha ha ha. No really I have had these enormous almost debilitating emotions of inadequacy. I hate that I am not perfect. I hate that my brain cannot recall everything I stuffed into it during school. I hate that have to be called on the spot for missing plaque. I hate that my logical brain that tells me I am doing alright is quieter than my emotional brain which is loudly pointing out my faults and failures. I hate that I feel like I cannot get all the calculus off and therefore should not be a RDH-I am doing more harm than good. I hate that these feelings are lingering and have not receded!
I know tomorrow is another day and that I can and will do better tomorrow! I know I graduated from WSU, which means I was fully trained and taught to be a great RDH. I know I will rubber cup better tomorrow and NEVER leave plaque again! I know I will give each patient my best effort to clean their teeth! I know these feelings of failure will end and I will be right as rain again soon! I know I have bored you to tears with this post but it has been very cathartic for me!
5 comments:
You silly girl, dry those tears. You have only been out one year. Part of your feeling this way is a characteristic of a hygienist. We are all perfectionists in ourselves, in life and in work, and it is hard for us to realize that we cannot be perfect. All you can do is try. Remember how you had like 4 hours to clean teeth in school, real world is so much faster and sometimes it is impossible with the time alloted to get everything off.
I know you and i know how awesome you are. You care about your patients and that is why you beat yourself up so much! You are a good hygienist, keep the confidence up. You graduated from the best hygiene school. Just imagine all the complaints those "hygienists" are getting at UCDH in Orem! Ha!!
Keep your chin up, can you imagine a Dr doing a cleaning. I would love to give them 50 min and then perform a scale check!! Ha ha!!!
See Mary Ann! I said the same thing that Jess said, it's true and guess what, my Dr. got on my butt for not getting all of the stain off of a couple patients (however, I was pissed because he didn't even see what the patient's came in with and he had no idea how tenacious the stuff was....) anyway, just remember none of us are perfect, but you are pretty close :)
I so feel for you, I always try and remember what my favorite dentist told me about hygiene right before I quit his office to move on to the real hygiene world (I was an assistant at his office for six years, so this was a mix of dental/fatherly advice) He said to me:
"Now BreAnna, this you must remember, there is a reason they call it "practicing" because that is what we all are doing "practicing" hygine and dentistry, we have good days and bad days and it just keeps going, year after year, in a great way that you know you always get another chance. When you get to the point where you never have an "I can do better" moment, then you have stopped "practicing" and started "idling" so remember, dentistry is like any sport or musical instrument, practice doesnt make you perfect and then you stop making mistakes. If it did then prodigies wouldnt need to practice, but they do, more than anyone else. You have heard it before, practice makes perminant, so do your best everyday and move to the next. Keep practicing hygiene and never stand by going idle."
Long I know but I think of this often when I have a bad day at work, and it always makes me feel better, even 15+ years practicing dentists have bad days, so even when they make you feel bad just know they have those days too, and hopefully are just trying to help you rather than hurt you. Sorry if that didnt help at all.
Maryann, i have to agree with breanna...we for sure have good and bad days, we just have to be thankful there's usually more good than bad! I know you are an amazing clinician. also i agree with crystal...i really wish the docs could see what was there to begin with. Don't get down on yourself, you are great!
YEs, aren't Dexter and Evi the cutest things ever?! They're famous! I actually went to Mexico to volunteer in a clinic there with one of my docs i work with! I got back sunday, so i'm dying to get all my pics posted...AND cinco de mayo was pretty pathetic there..i'll tell all about it!
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