Honest and frank post.
Josh has been a good friend. I have never thought of him romantically until April 2010. He broke my heart by getting married.
He moved in with his parents about a month after being married. He emailed me and apologized. It seemed to be a sincere and heartfelt apology. He said he made a mistake. I have sympathy because I made a huge mistake . . . DAN. I decided to listen to him and hear what he has to say.
There is definitely something between us. He is such a great healing thing for my heart. I wonder if that is all. Just rebound. I am confused. I am to the point I would rather be alone than with a man. I wonder if all men are users and moochers and porn watchers. I know you friends who are married have good honorable husbands but I wonder about the men who are not married. Josh has his faults and I can deal with them. I think I can be happy with him.
I wont move to Utah for him. I have been really hurt he wont move here for me. I have a great job. He does not; he has kids. He does not want to move here because it is so far from his children. I can respect that. But I am worth moving for. I am. I do have a hang up with moving because I moved for Dan and we all see where that went. i am not willing to start over on a job just for a man who will turn out to be scum in about a year. I am not willing to sacrifice my life for any man. So I guess that means I dont love him.
All week I have listened to stories from girl friends who supported and worked 2 jobs etc while their spouses, boyfriends, etc used them. I have learned my lesson and will not give anything to a man again. I have to take care of me. But then I feel that is opposite of everything I thought marriage was. I thought it was about giving and sacrificing for the betterment of your family. But I am leaning toward being selfish and taking care of my and my needs. and what do I need? Nothing a man can give me-other than someone to care for. I crave that. I want to be part of something. I want to work toward something. I want to think of someone beside myself.
I want love. Not just sex. I can get that anywhere. . . and the best thing I bought myself was a little 'bullet'. I want to be loved. I want to be the priority of some man. A man who will move to Oregon to be with me. A man who will buy me presents at Christmas. A man who will talk to me and share his life with me.
My past dictates that men do not like me. I think Josh is willing to be with me and I better take this chance. He made a mistake. He is trying to make it right-kinda. Well that is what I am thinking.
Josh does not have access to my blog. He is in the middle of an annulment/divorce
5 comments:
Wow. Just wow. I can't believe Josh is getting divorced. What was his reasoning for getting married in the first place and saying no to you?! It's easy for me to tell you to wash your hands of this guy, but it's obviously more difficult than that for you.
Do not come back to Utah until you have a guaranteed job offer. I don't care how much your heart hurts and how lonely you are. Save your money and prepare yourself.
Take a break from all this dating nonsense! Just step away and focus on you. Good men are attracted to strong, confident women and right now you are struggling with your confidence. You do not need anyone to 'complete' you because you are already wonderful!
i agree with Maria. You need to be back home with family and away from Dan but not until you get a job!
I agree with Maria also. Mair, you are worth it.... so quite frankly act like it. You have a life to and you need to have a good job to move back. I completely agree with Maria about taking a break from all the dating nonsense. Sometimes when we want something too bad or are right in the middle of it, we make it biggger than it really is. I feel like that is what marriage is to you. Its just too all consuming and has become to much of an issue for you. It is a big step, but it must be the right step (including the person, the timing,etc.) I think sometimes you crave marriage so bad, that it consumes you. Dont let that define you as a person. Maybe thats what H.F is trying to teach you. You are wonderful, and it will happen for you, so QUIT FORCING IT! Please know I LOVE and miss you!
PS please get away from Dan!!!
Ditto a million times what Forever Youngs said.
I'm going to be really harsh and rude here, but I think you're scraping the bottom of the barrel with Josh and Dan. I don't think either one is a viable option for you. You can justify it all you want, but I think you know deep down inside that neither Josh nor Dan is worthy of you.
Climb out of the barrel and live life without the mantra "must get married, must get married" running through your head 24/7. It's hard, but who said life was easy?
I say all this in love and with concern for your well-being.
They're all right. And Maria knows what's up. Listen to them. :-)
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