I am sure you are aware that I am struggling with being married. I lived a happy single life until I was 34 years old. I am now married to a wonderful man but it is a change. I do not like change. Not only did I move in with someone but that someone was a MAN. I have never lived with a man before. It has changed my world. I have also not had to clean up after other people for more years than I care to remember. I have lived alone or with other females who have cleaned up after themselves. Here I am living with this person who does not clean up after himself and who I care deeply for. I have to share with him too! Can you believe it?
Well I have been reading books and contemplating counseling. For me I think I could benefit from professional perspective. I will go one day. I need to adjust my budget.
Yesterday I was talking to a sister in my ward. She asked about my husband and how he does not go to church anymore. I said that was his choice right now. She asked if he loved me and if he treated me well. I had to admit that he does love me and he does treat me well. She said then he is a diamond. I was taken back by that statement. I have been having issues with the choices He Who Must Not Be Named is making right now. My personal standards of 'perfection' are not in harmony with his choices. I have been thinking of my husband as a diamond. It is true that he is good to me. It is true that I love him. It is true that he loves me. It is true that he has hurt me. It is true that I have hurt him. It is true that I choose to be married to him. It is true I have faults. It is true that he forgives me faster and more truly than I do. I just wanted to tell everyone that I love my husband and that he is a good man with some flaws...but who doesn't??
7 comments:
She is right about him being a diamond. I hope you are well. I have kind of turned inside lately, because it is easier to deal with things what way. Then I do not feel like crying so much and the darkness is not so dark. Keep going! I am cheering you on from here.
I do not have any flaws.
I'm going to have to go with 'no comment' on this one, because you already know what my opinion on the matter is.
(I guess if I really had no comment, I wouldn't have left you a comment at all, but I love your blog and I love dropping you a line! I know I'm being harsh with you on this, but that's just the kind of girl I am this week. You know I love you no matter what!)
:)
So where is your next adventure going to be?
I am going to get all "Duane" on you and say that I think you need a "service project" to focus on. It will get your mind off of the fact that your life has been turned upside down and nothing is as it was. My service project's name is Andrew. I am definitely not saying that you need to raise a disabled child to help you put things into perspective but I am now a big believer that "service" is good for what ails ya. It really feeds the spirit! I am sure your husband is a diamond because you married him. I hope you can find some peace regarding this really soon. Love and miss you!
I think I'm coming from a different place because I think life is the hard part and marriage should be the relief from life. I know this isn't right now for you, but I think it should gravitate in that direction. I don't believe God had us form marriages to learn how to bear it, I think He genuinely designed them to bring us happiness.
who doesnt have flaws? hopefully he knows what really brings you happiness and will work towards that!
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