Beautiful flowers

These are the beautiful roses David gave me yesterday. My counter is full of flowers from Todd ,a plant from Todd (I named her Dot) and now the roses. My home teachers laughed at me.

All joking aside. The man who asked for my email in the previous post emailed me. Then today I got an email from his girlfriend ha ha ha ha ha men are such pigs.

David, like Todd is not an LDS man. I have really been evaluating my life long dreams. It is really really hard letting go of some of them. I realize I am not what LDS men want-proof is my life. That leaves all the other men out there. Some of the men are willing to follow my moral 'rules', some are not. Some support me in going to church and living my lifestyle, some do not. All look at porn.

This bothers me so bad. Why cant I have a good moral man? Is it harder for men than women to be moral? I testify it has not been easy. But I have and am doing it. Why cant they?

I think of porn as a highly addictive drug, like cocaine. would you allow cocaine to be in your life?

I have realized I have to give up on temple marriage, children, and sitting with my spouse in church, do I have to give up on finding a man who is porn-fee?

Is This My Life?

This weekend is the Snow Geese Festival in Delta Utah. I am not there with my parents, sisters and friends. Where am I? In Beaverton (suburb of Portland) with Canadian geese! I love them.

While my love of geese is not news I dont really have any news except to tell you once again I am living someone else's life. Last night I had arranged to meet a man I met online for dinner and movie. I did not want him picking my up at my house-safety reasons. But I dont have a car. We arranged to meet at the train stop where there is a lot of people. I got there a little early-thats who I am. I was standing in the freezing cold temps tuck in into my coat and scarf to stay warm. A man gets off the train and walks by. We have eye contact and say hello to each other. He goes by and then stops and comes back. He introduces himself and asks for my email. I am laughing in his face. How rude? I know. But I could not help it. Here I was waiting for a date and getting picked up by another man. I cannot believe my life! The absurdity of it is amazing. I am not skinny or young and cute. I am me. I am happy and I guess that is what makes me stand out. But I just shocked at men! I wonder if I am dreaming or reading a story. This reality is unprecedented.

The date went quite well. David is a superstar at Macafee software company who drives a Challenger, which have the fastest warming, hottest, and overall best seat warmers! His car is sweet and fast and black. But we will see what happens there.

Just sit and laugh at my life. . . .

Once Upon a Time

Friends, I just bet you have been wondering what is going on in my storybook life. Well let me tell you. Get some snacks and tuck in for a good one.

Valentines Day is such a romantic day. I was thrilled this year to have actual plans. Todd was sweet and had planned fun for us. Unfortunately I called them off. I am not ready to date exclusively. That being said I had a typical V-day.

Sunday before v-day Travis called me. He is belly-looker man. He is 24, unemployed and wanted to go on a day hike. I was cool with it. . . cheap date right. Sadly, I did not want to go on V-day and I worked all week then Sat was planning on being out of town. I told him I was busy until next week. And that's the last I have heard from him. I am not concerned. 24 is just a baby.

Fast forward to Saturday, my co worker Kym and I made a trip to Hoquiam Washington. It is a small town on the Washington coast. Kym grew up in the area. Add that to Scott living there also. Around New Years my friend Ruth gave me an email of a man she though might be good. I emailed. He emailed. We facebooked for 5 hours and texted etc. We have a tremendous amount of thing in common. He lives in Hoquiam. Of course I had to hitch a ride with Kym.

Kym was going because her grandmother of 89 had recently moved into a long term care facility. She experienced a fall. She broke her hip which was missed and then was told to walk down to dinner and fell again breaking the other hip, leg, arm, ribs etc. She underwent surgery on Friday. Somehow she made it through and is now suffering in bed. She hurts all over and is bruised from forehead to toenail.

Gma needed to be out of her house by the end of the month since she is now in a long term facility. We helped clean out all of her cupboards. I ended up taking a box of cookware, plates, crochet hooks, etc home. Kym's family was so generous. It was a hard weekend. Pretty much saying goodbye to gma, signing a DNR, cleaning out her house and scavenging for items wanted. Plus laughing when we found the pile of cleaned and folded used tinfoil. Old people sure keep everything.

One thing that was painful to watch was how this family was aching from the thought of loosing gma. I am so very grateful for the knowledge I have. I am so glad I know that we will be resurrected and that we will have perfect bodies. I am comforted knowing that families are forever. I know that I will be with all of my family in this short moral life and in the next eternal life. I know that I will see my gma again. I also know my grandfather met her in Heaven to take her hand. Kym's mother hoped that her father would be there to take her mothers hand. I take that knowledge for granted. I know without a doubt that he will be there for her. I am so glad I have a larger perspective about life than most. It is hard when dating and I look at a man and I know that we will not be sealed in the temple and I know that we wont be together forever and I think, why bother with a relationship when nothing will come of it in the eternities.

Hmmmm. How did this story turn sad? Lets get to the pics.

This is the parking lot at the hospital. Look at the ocean! EEEKKKK. I love that water. Also notice the clear skies. A rare event this time of year.

Kym introduced me to Bill's XL bakery. She has told me for years about these bismarks. I listened and half believed her. I am not a big bismark fan. I like maple bars--yum. We stopped BEFORE going to the hospital to see gma to get donuts. This is a true bakery and opens at 5 am and closes at noon and is closed on Sundays. We knew once we got to the hospital we would not be able to leave for several hours. I am kind of mad at Kym for introducing this pastry to me. I have to admit it is by far the best bismark I have ever had. The filling, the light dough, the crispy outer layer, the chocolate. All are unlike anything I have ever tasted. I am serious this Bill man has the dough recipe perfected and the chocolate is Bavarian and is amazing! I cannot describe the perfection of this donut. I think even Maria would like it.

Next is the local drive in. The Light House Drive-In. They have beer battered fries AND fry sauce!!!! I cannot tell you how much I miss fry sauce. It is rare for a food establishment outside of Utah to have this delicacy. I was so happy.

And by the way I am still laughing at Matt Harpring. He was announcing a Jazz game and admitted he had never tried fry sauce and did not know what it was. How did he play for the Jazz for so long and not ever eat fry sauce? It cracks me up! I sure love Matt so don't get me wrong. But fry sauce . . .

Anyway, Hoquiam was fun.Scott is a dream. He is way more attractive that his pictures. He is a reserve policeman. He works hard for his family's business of rental beach homes and gift shop. He loves Shinedown. He doesn't drink or smoke. He is not LDS. He is my flavor-so delicious. I am not his. He did find 2 hours to give me. He picked me up. Took me to the ocean and then took me home. As we are turning the corner to where I was staying he asked if I was hungry. I said yes I was starving. And he walked me to the door. So I guess he didn't care.

This is the end of the story. It does not have the happiest of endings but it is very typical of my life. The men I like are not interested in me. And the men that are interested in me . . . I mess it up.

Bears, Blossoms, Brazillian Ballet

Thursday this wonderful package was delivered to my office. I do not work on Valentines Day so Todd had the forethought to have flowers delivered before the holiday instead of after. I was thrilled. I love them.

As you know Todd took me to Grupo Corpo ballet on Wednesday. It was fluid and beautiful. I attached a segment from one of my favorites. Their hands amaze me. Soooo flowing and fluid.

It made me want to dance. It was a beautiful show. Healton sisters I know you would love this and should see it when it comes to Chicago or Indy. Well every blog reader should see it ha ha ha. And we owe it all to Todd's sister Danise!
I did call Belly looker man. He is 24. yikes lol

Train Ride home

I have a story I want to tell. I only have one person in my life I felt comfortable telling the story to. You may not enjoy the story and that is fine. This is for me.

Yesterday I had plans to go to Grupo Corpo, a Brazilian Ballet company on tour. I was so excited. My last two patients were a husband and wife combo and came early. I dismissed the patients at 4:15 pm. I hustled and cleaned the room and closed down the office. I ran to the train and saw tons of people waiting for the train. My experience tells me that it has been a while since one had come and by time it got to my stop it would be sardine packed full. I had to get home so I could change, do my hair etc. I had to get on that train. I started walking to the next stop as fast as I could. I ended up walking down 2 stops. I got on the train. I was right it was full and I wormed my way on. I am standing directly in the middle (between 2 doors). I am standing and my stomach is right  in the face of a man. We smiled and then nothing for the next 20 min except me hitting him with my bag. We get to the stop prior to mine. The man who was looking at my stomach was sitting next to another man who needed to get off the train. We shuffle around and make room. There is now 2 seats open. I do not sit down and get out of the way. I hold the crowds back so the belly looking man could make his way back to his seat and have a seat. I was saving it for him. Kind of unspoken deal we had. He kept looking back at me. I kept smiling at him to let him know I would save his spot. He made it back and slid into the seats. I moved toward the door at that time since the next stop was mine and I needed to take advantage of the space to make it to the door before even more people got on. I find a spot and look back. Belly looker man was looking at me and smiled thank you. I nodded and got of at my stop. As I walked by his window he knocked and waved. I smiled and waved back. Then with Blue October playing through my headphones I start speed walking. I have got about 30 min to transform from dental Mair to stunning Mair. I have to hurry. I am walking and enjoying the music.

I feel a tap on my shoulder. It scared me. It was Belly looker man. He somehow got off the train and ran to catch me. I did not hear him call after me due to my totally awesome headphones Jenni got me for Christmas, that block out noise. Belly looker man said hey, I don't do this but I just had to get off the train and give you my number. You are so beautiful I could not just sit there and let you go. I was shocked. What??? This has NEVER happened to me. No one has ever given me their number let alone sacrificed a spot on the train to do so. While the ballet was the highlight of my night Belly looker man did make me feel beautiful.I imagine Belly looker man saw me walking away and saw his future flash before his eyes and he was compelled to chase me down. How flattering! How gutsy! He put himself out there-for me. Amazing.
Thank you for listening.

Weekend of Yarn

Another weekend has passed and what did I do? I crocheted 3 dishcloths. I am officially an old maid.

I made this one during the Super Bowl, which I enjoyed with Todd.

I made this one on Monday.

Overall I am pretty proud of these three dishcloths. They turned out really nice and unique. I like the blue and green one best but the colorful one intrigued me because it starts out round then BAM it is an octagon.

I would like to appease Crystal and any others who did not comment. . . Todd Kimball 101.

Todd is the oldest of two. His sister Danise lives in California and has 2 cute children. Todd grew up in California. He is a huge sports fan but very attentively did not forget me for one second during the Super Bowl. He even tried to teach me a play or two. He got his bachelors degree from Fresno State. Then moved to Phoenix and got his MBA. He had his own sports radio show in CA. In Phoenix he had a syndicated radio show called On A Roll. It focused on people with disabilities. Then Todd moved to Portland. He owned a staffing company (Moonlight Staffing) He sold it about 3 years ago. He is starting up a Non-Profit company called MainStreamed Media

Todd is amazing, smart, kind, thoughtful, considerate, generous, great communicator, really good at relationships, 6 months out of a 15 year marriage, a business minded man. He has exposed me to new foods and a new way to look at life. I never thought about curb cuts before. I have thought about steps and showers without bars. I have thought about power supplies for wheelchairs. I have not thought of plates in a lower drawer in kitchen. Todd listens to me. Actually listens and plans activities with my preferences in mind. He cares about me. ME. 

Todd is not paralyzed. He has cerebral palsy. He does not have good coordination in his legs to walk. He is a Toastmasters champion and has several trophies to prove it. Portland is a great city to not have a vehicle due to the wonderful (and I mean wonderful) public transit. Todd works out several times a week. He is extremely independent and stubborn. He has travelled more than me. He already has plans for Valentines Day (the 1st time I will have plans on this day EVER-don't judge me. I already feel pathetic about it). There is so much more I can say. Rest assured his marriage ended not by his choice or fault. Todd considers himself a Hybrid male and not just because he had to use women's restrooms because they were the only ones with wheelchair access until 1985 (Todd wanted me to mention that women keep their restrooms way cleaner than men), but because his point of view is different than the average man. I am starting to believe it-kind of. My co-workers think he is perfect, especially since he brought Betsy chocolate on her birthday as well as me. Todd spoils me and I am not accustomed to it. It is hard to accept and believe. The walls on my heart are pretty tall and thick. I am scared. I don't know how to behave around a man who is not a jerk. . . . ha ha ha funny yet true. Todd has a lot to teach me. He wants to make me happy, but for how long? I don't know.

It Is Not a Child But It Is Mine

Meet my bromeliad. . . .  hello!

I have not named him yet. Hmm. This wonderful plant came into my life in a wonderful way.

About 8 years ago a patient gave us (the crew at Albertsons Pharmacy) a plant. It was s tree type that was so hardy and lovely. We enjoyed the little plant. One day the State Board of Pharmacy came in and did an inspection. We got in trouble for having a plant because it was hygienically unclean. (Silly bureaucratic rules). I happened to be the one working and got to take it home. I loved the plant. I re potted it and fed it and watered and moved with it. When I packed up my Tundra to move to Portland there was not room for the beloved plant. I left it. It was hard to leave it but I did it. I drove away.

Lately I have been acutely aware that I am protecting my heart to tightly that I wont let anything in. I wont love anything. I thought I should get a cat or dog. But no. I am not ready to commit to that kind of love. I decided Tuesday to go and get a plant this weekend. I thought I could love a plant. But I was still thinking about it. I wasn't sure I was ready to love even a plant. To give of myself to a plant.

I was thinking about my lack of love for even a plant and was disturbed. Luckily Thursday I went to Todd's house for game night and dinner. We were sitting at the table playing Backgammon (my first time playing). Todd points to the center piece and asks if I like it. I say I do. He said good because it is yours. I was super excited. This amazingly beautiful plant was exactly what I wanted. It is not too needy. I requires little light-no direct light, water once a week. Perfect! I love it. Plus it is unique and beautiful. I am pretty lucky to have such a gift.

Thank you Todd.