How Blind Am I??????

World, I am ready to introduce you to Dan. He is all I think about right now. Just some quick stats...He lives in Portland---that's in Oregon. He has 2 daughters, he is a student @ PSU. He is in the National Guard. He is a skilled auto mechanic. He sings along to the radio. #11 is malpositioned in the cutest way! He has scared the shit out of my father. He makes me smile. He is a GREAT kisser. He opens my doors. He gives me flowers. He has made my phone minutes increase from 741 one month to 4800 this month and still have 12 days to go--thank heaven for Verizon!! I know you're dying to know how we met---online. Scary huh? Almost all of my friends and family are scared of him. I'm not. What can I say except there is a saying about love and blindness....hmmmm. I think I fit this saying. Well that is all I'm going to say for now....and even this might be too much. I will probably wish I had not said anything, but I have held it in for so long I just wanted to share. Feel free to express your true feelings and warnings. I really could use the dose of reality. We are all still friends right?

Time after Time

Time is a funny thing. Sometimes it goes by really fast and other times it creeps along. Time is wasted and time is taken for granted. Time is never made up and is always lost. Time does not stop for us mere mortals. It is one of the true constants in our lives. So why does time mean so much to me and not so much to someone else? I want time....how do I get it? I am pretty sure Wal-mart does not have it for sale in their clearance isle. So can I order it online? Nope. So can I make time? I try to that a lot, but have been unsuccessful. I guess I will be frustrated and frustrating until I figure this time thing out.

I will leave you with one of my all time favorite quotes..."So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time we are given"....Lord of the Rings

Y

So today I am super mad. I am so frustrated with good and evil. This weekend I found out that yet another friend of mine is going through divorce. I am super pissed. What the Hell? What is wrong with men and women today? What is the point of being married? Is there no security in any relationship? What have I been looking for all these years? I'll tell you....I have been looking for a man who can handle me and all my weirdness and greatness--and can give some good... Now I have realized that the odds of achieving this are very small, minuscule, obsolete.

So this realization of my odds make me question my whole spiritual foundation. I mean if a person loves the Lord and follows the commandments to the best of their ability and understanding and yet no eternal marriage is achieved what hope do I have who am flawed and fail at commandments. I really feel like jumping off the deep end and breaking a few commandments on purpose....could be fun could break my heart who knows. All I know is that I am frustrated with the hope of ever having a healthy relationship.

Bring on the Pain

When did I become a mean hygienist?

Today I realized I was being more aggressive than I needed to be. This patient of mine had not been to the dentist for about 15 years. He brushes 4 min each day. His tissues are healthy-no inflammation and only a few 4 mm areas. He has all 32 teeth! His third molars were really clean. There was not much subra-gingival calculus so I figured it had to be sub-gingival--nope. He did have some don't fool your self but as I was digging and digging and he was just laying there taking the abuse I realized that I was being quite aggressive and I wondered...when did I become that kind of hygienist? I used to believe it was alright to leave a piece of calc here or there if it got the patient to enjoy the experience and come back. But somehow I have changed. I guess I am so worried about leaving a piece of calc that I just cannot be the gentle hygienist I used to be. Now tonight instead of worrying about if I left a piece of calculus I worry that I wont see this patient again for 10 years---and he was so cute! He did the cutest thing. You know when you are working on the lower anterior teeth and the patient tenses up their lower lip muscle and it knocks you off your fulcurm? Well I am in the habit of holing my left thumb there to protect my patient from knocking me off. I dont want to slip and cut them!! Well I felt this patients lip tense up and then relax then tense up and then as I applied more pressure to counteract his tensing he would relax again. I could tell it was a conscious effort for him to do that. He also was very concerned about where his tongue was. He was the most conscientious patient I have ever had---he is married---Now I understand him a bit better (I know him outside of work). Anyway, how do you not be the mean hygienist and yet remove all deposit?

When Dealth Comes Knockin...

Death is such a weird beast. It is also dominating my life recently. As many of you have heard about the plane crash that took 10 members of Cedar City. I knew them. I know hundreds of people who are deeply touched by this loss. Then today a patient told me another member of Cedar passed away this morning from pancreatic cancer and then at lunch I got a message from my mom. My mom does not call during the day and by the tone of her voice I knew something was wrong. Sure enough my uncle died in his sleep. What a surprise. My dad's youngest bro. gone. game over. peace out.

Anyway it was not an expected death and I am not sure how I am feeling about it. I have mixed feelings. I see the good and I see the bad. Luckily I know I will see him and everyone else who has passed on again. I am comforted by that fact!

Too Close to Home!!!

I just found out that a Cedar City dermatologist and his staff were killed in a plane crash yesterday. I am freaking out. I looked online to see who what listed as deceased and my friend Megan is not listed but I have not been able to get in touch with her to make sure she is alright. Megan was an assistant at my office and left to work for the dermatologist. They make weekly flights to several of their clinics in small towns. I have now heard that Megan was not on the plane and that she is alright. She made other arrangements so someone else could take her spot. Man, what a hard situation. I am going to miss the Dr and his staff. I know them. I have filled prescriptions from that clinic for 8 years and talked to them a lot. I am sick to know that their families are hurting! I feel so helpless!

Introducing....

World, I would like to introduce my brand stinking new truck. It is a Toyota Tundra. It is 'slate' aka charcoal grey/blue. I love it. I have not named it yet....any suggestions?

I have been wanting one of these trucks forever and finally got it. Now I know some of you will think I am spoiled but who else is going to spoil me??? Co-workers from the dental world were jealous and called me spoiled and co-workers from the pharmacy were jealous and congratulated me on working hard and getting a super nice truck. I wonder what the difference is. Could it be that the pharmacy crew knows me better and knows I don't spoil myself or is it the general personality of the pharmacy to be happy for others. Now I do want to clear something up. There were a few girls at the dental office who were excited for me and only a couple who thought I was spoiled so I should not label all dental peeps that way. I just focused on the negative feelings...my bad. So anyway, I love my truck. It is a crew max and my 6'3" brother can sit very comfortably in the back seat w/o his knees touching. It is a beast of a truck and I love it!