The Holidays!

Our little tree and Santa were so cute I had to post them again.  Our little Christmas was exactly what I wanted and needed.  I am so thankful for Scott and his thoughtfulness and control! Scott spoils me daily and he showed great restraint in keeping our Christmas small.  

Notice the long present in the front of the above picture.

That long gift was a 2 quart thermos for Scott. He was thrilled and surprised! Last night Scott had to work a graveyard shift and so we tested this bad boy out.  At 8 pm it was -2 outside and we knew it would only get worse as the sky was clear.  Scott layered up and I filled up the thermos with hot cocoa (props to cannery cocoa!). Scott got home this morning around 8:30 am and I poured out the remaining cocoa-as I did I touched it and was SHOCKED to be burned! Granted I put boiling water into the thermos 12 hours ago and while the cab of the truck was not in the negatives it was probably 60, I figured that the liquid would have cooled enough to touch. I was honestly expecting lukewarm cocoa.  Scott was thrilled to have actual HOT cocoa all night long as he was out in the snow hauling water which frequently freezes between locations so he has to use blow torches to thaw the valves so the water transfer can happen. Here is to Stanley and their thermos making! They sure made a good one!

Scott suddenly got Christmas Eve off.  He was supposed to work but thanks to a frack being postponed 4 days he found himself without work for 3 days.  Even though it means loosing hours I was secretly happy.  One day there was a sale on the big shrimp at the store. I got one pound which was only 13 shrimp.  They were monstrous.  They have been in my freezer for a while and I decided to try making my own shrimp cocktail.  I boiled the shrimp in spices and make my own cocktail sauce.  It was so wonderfully delicious! I want to make it again for New Years Eve!

I also treated Scott to a wonderful Christmas dinner! We got a little prime rib roast.  We make a rub (salt, peppercorns, garlic, thyme) and cooked it.  It turned out quite nice.  I was impressed.  Scott enjoyed the horseradish and potatoes. I even tried some potatoes with all sorts of good/bad stuff in them and I liked it! It was such a good dinner. It does make me wonder what a REAL good prime rib would taste like. One day I will eat the prime cuts of prime rib that gets sent to New York and Texas and probably cost more than 20 of the ones I can get in Utah. But how happy would that bite be?!? I cannot wait to try it.

After our huge dinner we went with Scott's mom to the movies. We saw The Hobbit.  I enjoyed it very much even though I missed my family very much. 

Traditions Continue

Last year when I was visiting Scott in Utah during Thanksgiving we had this amazing date.

We recreated the date again this year.  Early in December Scott took me to McGrath's and again we had a wonderful meal!  After our tummies were full we walked around Temple Square and enjoyed the Spirit and lights and brisk walk!   

We warmed up at Melting Pot for dessert and some sparkling peach juice! Scott secretly called and got reservations for our romantic night. He simply succeeds at impressing me.

A week later Scott had his work Christmas party. As we sat at a table with a couple we knew the wife said 'hey I hope we win that popcorn maker so we can re-gift it and give it to your sister'.  So all night we were hoping they got the popcorn maker.  As the drawing occurred the couple sadly received the Mag-lite combo pack and Scott received the popcorn maker and 8 pounds of kernels  I am in heaven! I love it. It is such a fun novel way to pop corn and fills my salty crunchy cravings.   

December 12 marked the day that Ichiban Sushi opened in Vernal Utah.  Scott and I had to try it! We went on the third day it was open and while the waiters were running around crazy and unsure of the menu we had an enjoyable experience.  We ordered a variety plate of sushi with a spicy tuna roll. It landed on our table in a boat (in the above picture--the rice covered stuff is the spicy tuna roll, then the red is tuna, and white tuna, snapper and yellow tail) the squid has the black belt of sea weed wrapped around it, the shiny looking one was saba and was quite good). It was so fun! Scott is such a wonderful adventurous man. He ate the squid roll while I only ate one bite. I just could not do it. He totally made my night.

As Christmas gets closer our little tiny tree is getting quite the mound of presents around it.  I am pretty excited for Scott to see what I got for him.  As many of you know it is tricky with online banking to secretly purchase something online without the charge appearing and being spied by both of the account users. The stuff I bought at local stores is easy-cash. But online shopping is harder to hide.  I think I might have slipped on a couple gifts but I hid my Amazon orders on our account and I erased all viewing histories so maybe just maybe I will surprise him. Regardless I am really quite pleased with our little tree in a pot and we stayed in our budget!

Suzie loves Scott. There is no butts about it.  She lives for the moment he gets home from work. She knows the sound of his truck.  She simply unconditionally loves him and this pic shows it! The look in Suzie's eyes says it all!

I hope each of you have a wonderful Christmas and that December has been a wonderful month of tradition and love. Thank each one of you readers! I know who you are even if you do not leave a comment.  I appreciate that you visit and wonder how I am doing.  I wonder what you are doing as well! Merriest of Christmases!!!!

Back of the Freezer

TonightDec 20

15^°FObserved High1:45 pm

1^°F

Clear

CHANCE OF SNOW:

0%

 

WIND:

WNW at 2 mph

Details

FriDec 21

27^°

6^°

Sunny

CHANCE OF PRECIP:

0%

 

WIND:

SE at 2 mph

Details

SatDec 22

30^°

10^°

Partly Cloudy

CHANCE OF PRECIP:

0%

 

WIND:

S at 2 mph

Details

SunDec 23

28^°

8^°

Partly Cloudy

CHANCE OF PRECIP:

10%

 

WIND:

N at 3 mph

Details

MonDec 24

31^°

14^°

Few Snow Showers

CHANCE OF SNOW:

30%

 

WIND:

NNE at 2 mph

Details

TueDec 25

27^°

8^°

Few Snow Showers

Full Christmas Forecast

CHANCE OF SNOW:

30%

 

WIND:

NW at 4 mph

Details

This is the weather channel's forecast for Vernal until Christmas. As you can see we are in what I call the deep freeze.  I fear we will not see above freezing temperatures until March. It is  a geographical downfall for living the in Uintah Basin.  I can only hope  the lows are not into the negatives.

And while this deep freeze is hard to keep warm being in the deep freeze of a family member is even harder to bear. I have been in this freezer before and know of it's frigidity.  For some reason I cannot come to peace with it. 

I am really struggling right now with several things and my heart hurts on a daily basis. 

I am feeling quite isolated in the back of the freezer.

Mair-reminder

I really liked this quote and I think I need to be reminded regularly.

BLOG ON

I have come to another decision. After many hours in agony over hurting my sister Lori's feelings I decided to quit my blog. This is not the first time Lori has been offended by my thoughts and feelings on this blog. I figured it would be easier to delete my blog and start another one. I have had this blog for eight years. I have used this as my outlet to get my feelings and thoughts to mix and become one. It helps ME and only ME. I need an outlet to get my feelings into words. I remember last year posting and questioning who has access to my life. I have decided that I will let the same people have access to my life. If they do not like what I write then they can unfriend me or quit reading my blog.

I love sharing my thoughts in this venue! I appreciate each of you who take time out of your life to read my thoughts! I love it! I want to keep sharing myself in this manner.

This is my blog.
These are my thoughts.
My opinion is not perfect but it is mine.
I love you all even when we do not agree.

Post #420

For some reason I have been looking forward to this post for quite a while. It might have started during the time I dated Josh Nay. He was quiet the user of 'spice'. I dated Josh while I was in Portland and marijuana is legal in Oregon with a prescription from a doctor-and it is easy to get. I woke up many times from the smell of pot being smoked. It is such a nauseating smell. Whatever the cause the truth is that I have been looking forward to this post.

Now that it is here I am not as excited. I have decided to go private private with my blog. This means that I will be the only one to read my blog. I appreciate all of the hours you have spent reading my words and my thoughts, my pains and my success. I have loved sharing my fears and my opinions with you. Journal writing is the main way I process my feelings. I have found 420 chances to express my feelings and my thoughts. I have appreciated deeply the comments and the attention to my words. Thank you very much!

Point of View

Point of view is a weird thing. A person can only have one-their own. Yet as humans we can understand others POV and we can learn to see things from their POV but originally we only have our own POV. My POV has been so very wrong lately. And thinking about it for several days I thing my POV is way out of whack, I think it is broken. It is a very stomach sickening thing to learn about oneself.

I remember one significant day when I first noticed my POV was out of line. I was 13 years old and entering high school. Looking at the seniors I thought they were so big and so tall and so mature. Then a mere 4 years later I was a senior and when I looked at the seniors I realized that we were not that big, that in fact it was the freshmen who were tiny, scrawny, puny, and immature. I should have learned right there and then that my POV is wrong.

Over the next two decades I have learned about friends and their POV. There are so many POV out there. I have maintained friendships even though our POV on religion is not the same. Some of my friends do not have the same POV politically as I do yet we hang out and enjoy the things we do have similar POV on.  I have way more friends who have a POV regarding drinking alcohol than I do yet I enjoy going to events where we each have a choice of beverage and each can life according to our POV..

I know my POV is very wrong. I know that I have much to work on and much to understand. My sister is going through a trial that I have prayed more than once that I could be the one to go through it and spare her heart. My POV thinks that I cannot take this trial from her. My POV says that it is ok. She will be ok. Just as I was ok during the last 3 years of my life. My POV says that only I could do what I did and only she can do what she is doing. She has to learn and live and love through her own POV and I cannot cange her POV. I can only understand that my POV is wrong.  Each person on this planet has heartache of some kind. It may be public or it may be hidden but we all have it! We all have our POV to help keep us human.

Today in church my Bishop explained the need for a new study curriculum for the 12-18 year olds of the LDS religion.   His words were that while the youth today were an extraordinary generation and very strong but that many of the youth were being lost to immoral sins. The POV of the LDS church regarding chastity and morality are very strict and my POV agrees with the LDS church and I have chosen to live these laws. I find them to be freeing even though they seem so restrictive. It is a complicated POV of mine. Anyway, the youth in the world today are introduced to sex and experimenting with sex at such early ages that my church is trying to prevent the consequences of promiscuity.  The lessons plans now taught every Sunday to these young people will be NOTHING. No lessons will be prepared. Instead the adolescent will be given a topic such as the Godhead and the teen will research at home and then come with info for a discussion. This provides a way for the teens to learn on their own-in their own houses, to study out a topic and learn for themselves if it is something that they want to commit to. I think this is wonderful. But I am reminded of a time when I was a teen and my mother taught me about signs of the last days before Jesus Christ comes again. She said we would be required to teach the gospel in our own home. My POV interpreted that to mean that I would be living in a land where teaching the gospel in a public setting would be prevented. My POV thought that I would have to teach my children and myself alone. As a result I saved every manual and every church resource I could get my hands on. Yet sitting in church today I realized that my POV was once again WRONG! I will not be living in a world where I cannot publicly practice my religion. I will not have children. I will not be all alone in my teachings. Now my POV thinks that I will be required to teach those in my house the gospel so that they can stand on their own two feet and choose for themselves what they believe. The best environment for families to learn together is in the home and now my POV has changed.

POV is a ever changing thing. I know mine is completely flawed. I know my POV has let me down several times. I try to learn and try to change. I try. Yet I fail. My POV is only my point of view. I do not have anyone else's experiences and I do not have other people's thoughts. I just have mine and I am a 100% imperfect woman who fails 100% of the time.

Sad Sad Days

The day before Thanksgiving I used to think of a woman I consider a friend-Crystal Oberg and her tradition of pie day. This year my 'pie day' was a funeral day. 

This is my sister Lori and her family. This was taken last year.  

I returned last night from the funeral of Lori's husband. It was not the saddest funeral experience I have had and I am bothered by that fact. I should be devastated for the loss my sister and her children are experiencing. I am saddened that they have to go through this trial. I am almost consumed with worry for their well being. I have not slept for days. I am so worried and ready to fight someone who interferes with the generosity of the Community of Delta. 

Ok. Vague words aside. . . Here is my point of view of this tragic event in the life of my sister Lori (37).  Matt and Lori were married on May 16, 1997.  They have 3 children. Ty (10), Shay (8), AJ (2).  I learned early November that Matt's prognosis of surviving cancer (I am not sure of the variety; but think it is rectal or colon) was not as good as I was lead to believe in October. Then on November 10 I was told Matt was going home to Delta after a long stay in some hospital in Northern Utah to be on hospice care and pass away. I was devastated. The next day I went to Stake Conference. I am sitting there listening to the talks on family and young people. I had the idea to make some little booklets for my niece and nephews. This book would ask questions about their dad.  I wanted the children to find some sort of activity to keep them occupied while learning about their dad and spending the last few days together on this earth.  I included some disposable cameras and had gave them assignments to use that camera.  This idea was inspired from Heavenly Father. I knew it. I started the project that night. With Scott's help I was able to finish them and ship them out on Monday, which was Veteran's Day and no mail. Lori received the package on Wednesday-the day they arrived from the hospital. Thursday Lori and Matt told their children that Matt was going to die soon and gave them the package. Friday night (2:30 am Saturday) Matt passed away. It was quicker than I expected and a shock to my heart. 

Matt was born the same year I was. Matt and I were in the same grade in school. I remember meeting him on my first day of school upon moving from Provo to Delta in 2nd grade. I have many emotions about Matt. I honestly have a spot inside of me that is filled with love for him. He was my sister's choice in an eternal spouse. My honest and brutal feelings about Matt have been for years simply this phrase--"I love him, but I do not like him"  This makes me sound like a jerk. I know it does. I know. And yet I have tried for 15 years to change this. 

I have had talks with Matt and Lori. Good ones. I have mailed packages for Christmas, birthdays, and Halloween. I have texted, telephoned, emailed, and visited their house. I have invited them to every trip and adventure I had. I have tried. 

Due to my own choices I have not been welcome in their company for over a year. 

I was not invited to Shay's baptism in October. 

It has hurt me a lot to know that one day everything was fine and I was told to my face everything was fine and then BAM it wasn't. 

I digress. Back to the passing of Matt.

I was sitting in the chapel and listening to the speakers talk about Matt and all the things he did. I heard how he was a great mechanic and a great farmer. I heard many things and as I heard them I realized that I did not know this side of Matt. It really bothered me that I did not know the man they were talking about. I asked myself, "how is that possible?" We grew up in the same small town, went to the same high school, graduated together and then were 'family' for 15 years! How come I did not know him? 

It has to be my fault

Happy Halloween!

Witchfest at Gardner Village

A purple witch with a purple umbrella captured my attention and heart is about 5 seconds after spying her at Gardner Village in South Jordan, or West Jordan, or Utah's Jordan, or where all the cars are at. 

Another love was the big nose, big hat witch all alone with no one waiting to take a picture of. She might have been my favorite, but I am not sure.

Here I am with Ash and Tania. We work together for Dr T. We decided to get out of the Basin and head to the big city dressed as witches. As you can see I need to work on my costume. These girls sure outshine me!  I was in need of a good fun girls night out. Scott and I have tons of fun and tons of nights out. I cherish them! There is something recharging or spiritually aligning about women spending time with women. It is something we need. I think Heavenly Father knew this and that is why Relief Society is such a successful and long running women's club. I am serious here! We need a time and place to get together and share and learn and talk and laugh and cry and hurt and cheer and support each other! 

Many times women and girls have gotten on my nerves, but even I can appreciate a good night out!

This witch had some beloved geese floating down the river with her. I was quite jealous! I love the whole Huck Finn thing going on here!

I love geese. And when they flew overhead I tried to hurry and get a pic and I only got five. There were so many and I had a moment of Portland homesickness. 

All in all Gardner Village did not disappoint  Not only were the witch displays amazing and entertaining the cute shops were so fun to pop into and try to avoid spending money! It was hard. I did not succeed and came home with great prizes and a face full of glitter--and maybe a whole car of glitter from everyone else and the bottle of fairy dust ha ha ha

Before my witch adventure I was stung by a hornet. I have been stung by the before and hate them. They just sting. My sting got bigger and bigger as the days went on. This is 24 hours later.

This is 36 hours later. By the end the hot red welt went from my shoulder to my elbow. It was hot and sting-gy and itchy. It was just miserable. I am kind of afraid of what my next hornet sting will be like. YIKES!

Happiness in unusual places

Rainbow car wash!!!!

I am an adult with zero children yet I love the colored bubbles and the smell that comes with the vibrant suds.

When did summer end?

It seems like summer started winding down yesterday. The dawn is getting later and later. Suzie and I have gotten into a luxurious habit of going back to bed after getting Scott off to work at 5 am. It is fun to watch Suz. As soon as I shut the door and turn off the outside light she is sprinting to the bedroom and launching herself onto the bed. She knows exactly where I like to lay and she lays right in the crook of my knees or stomach. There is something comforting about a warm sleeping animal next to you . . . I did not do this as a child. My siblings did and I missed out! 

Suzie loves the lawn. She has gotten really bad about digging. It is getting worse. I am hoping for a quick deep freeze to harden the ground so maybe she wont dig all winter and grow out if it by spring-that is my secret plan anyway.

I love this picture. Our lawn and the east sky during the sunset. It is magical. Maybe it was the cut grass fumes!

A patch of dead grass that Suzie has dug up. There are several more larger examples of her persistence and dirt addiction. 

Scott was kindly taking me on a drive to White Rocks via Tridell when he saw this elk in a field far far away. My camera did it's best to capture the big bull dilly dallying in the field safe from the hunters. He was very close to Indian Reservation borderline which as you know makes him inaccessible to us white folk-which seems prejudice against me but whatever-Don't get started Mair.

Summer has been great. I survived the heat and dryness. I hope I ready for winter. 

Who Am I?

Scott and I were driving home from Salt Lake City yesterday when the clock clicked to 10:00 am. I turned the radio to General Conference. As we were driving home and listening to the talks I realized how much I have grown. About 5 years ago I would watch GC and I would enjoy it, but if I missed a few talks or a whole session it was ok. I worked a lot of Saturdays in the pharmacy and we did not listen to it at work. Now I crave listening to the words the leaders of my church. I look forward to 8 hours of church!

For the last 5 or so years I have been this way and yesterday was the day I realized it. I know that I am not a normal person. My experience with other women and sisters and friends have helped me to make that accurate analysis. I am not like other women. I am not like men either. I am definitely an individual person-just like everyone else! My quirks at times make me feel less than normal. And craving 8 hours of church is another one! When I think about it logically 8 hours is a long time yet I will work for 8 hours, I have also taken a few days to watch all of Lord of the Rings movies, or all of Star Wars movies and add that up to more than 8 hours. I have also been known to watch the TV series 24 back in the day and somehow 6 hours just passed by in adrenaline infused tension! So what is so weird about 8 hours of church in 2 days? I guess it is just a new discovery for me. I know I have always felt better after watching conference-kind of like how I feel good after working out but the actual starting and doing the workout is not enjoyable. But now I love watching and listening to GC!!!! 

That being realized I did some self evaluation. I have realized that I am not the same woman I was a few years ago. I can see my attitude and my perspective change over my lifetime. My life experiences have molded me into who I am today-an abnormal woman who loves GC! I am and have been blessed abundantly!

What have I done in 4 years?

There have been a few events that have triggered memories for me lately. First was August was my 6 month wedding anniversary. This mini milestone meant so much to me! I could not help but compare this short marriage to my previous short marriage. It made me feel comforted to know that Scott and I are doing so much better and the feelings we have are good and hopeful and full of love and concern.

Another sign was when I got my voter registration card. The last time I voted in a presidential election was in Cedar City. It was early election period which was mid October. I voted under Mary Ann Jones. Since then I have been Mary Ann Faust, Mary Ann Jones and then Mary Ann Stewart. It hit me that 3 names in 4 years is not a good thing. It shows me that I am unstable and that life has changed for me quite a bit. I cannot believe I became the kind of woman who changes her name 3 times in 4 years! It shocked and slightly sickened me.

The last thing to hit me was yesterday when my friend Melissa Rees posted a happy birthday wish to her 4 year old son on facebook. When I went to dental hygiene school I had several friends that I studied with. Heidi, Melissa, Natalie and Korbin. Melissa had a twin sister Maria who was a year ahead in the program. We studied and had fun together. So naturally when there was a dental hygiene meeting at Thanksgiving Point we all went. Of these 5 friends-1 got divorced during school, 2 got divorced shortly after graduation, and 1 was pregnant. We met up for dinner (minus Korbin). At this dinner I was not feeling well. I was having a flare up of my insides (possible interstitial cystitis-see 2009 posts).  I was in quite a bit of pain and did not enjoy the food part of dinner. I was looking forward to catching up and hearing how everyone was doing. Then right at dinner 1 more friend announced her divorce. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been to Portland several weeks prior to this. Dan had proposed. I was 34 and wanted so much to be married. I was lonely. I was excited and scared. Here I was at dinner with my friends when 4 out of 5 had endured the heartache of divorce. I did not want a divorce and the only way to guarantee that was to not get married; yet I wanted to share my life with someone and I refused to live with a man. So my morals encouraged me to get married. At this dinner with my friends I did not tell them about Dan. I was not sure about my future with him at this point either. I remember feeling so happy for Melissa who was pregnant and ended up delivering a week later! I remember feeling hopeless for all marriages. I wondered if I would ever have a baby and loving husband like Melissa.

Over the next few weeks I really thought about this dinner. I thought about divorce, marriage, motherhood, and opening my heart to another. I realized and felt prompted to take a chance in Portland. Hence began my unforeseen life of the last mere short years. I mean 4 years----not much time yet I made so many sudden choices, took chances, changed names, sold trucks, gained weight, doubted my testimony, hated my morals, loved, hated, longed, worked, cried, laughed, was hit on in fantastical ways, made friends, and found love once more. It has been a very atypical 4 years for me! I truly wonder what the next 4 years will bring.

In case you want to read about Sept 2008   http://mairslittleworld.blogspot.com/2008_09_01_archive.html

Keep Trying

Yesterday I was able to work in Duchesne. My first patient was 36 yr old woman with zero interproximal restorations, generalized 4 mm pocketing and xrays showed calculus wings on each tooth, there was a lower anterior calculus bridge and rings around maxillary anterior teeth.  I looked at her and said 'Hey do you want to go to Ogden, SLC or Rangely Colorado and be some lucky students board patient?' She did not. She is getting married soon and wanted clean, bleached teeth with fresh breath. So I had all the fun! I worked and worked. I checked and checked. For my own peace of mind I took post cleaning xrays. They were clean! I felt good. It was nice to have a little good luck and

Second patient of the day was a 44 year old man. He had a lot of vertical bone loss, not much radiographic calculus, a lot of gumline stain. His previous cleaning was about 25 years ago. I was able to clean one quad followed by dentist doing work in the same quad. I did another good job.

Last patient of the day was the dentist's mom. She is a dental-phobe and wants nitrous. Dr T did not tell me she needed nitrous and he was in the nitrous op! So I did not have access to it. She had no pocketing but lots of green line stain. I was sweating bullets! I got the Cavitron and went to work. I finished and as she left she told me I did a good job. So that felt good to have such a picky patient like the job I did.

I am sure Emily is right in her comment on my last post when she stated my patients probably needed a periodontist. I know they did. The hard thing is that the closest periodontist is in Provo-2 hours away. It was hard to get my patients to go from Cedar City to St George (45 min) away to visit a periodontist. I am not sure how willing these farmers will be to drive to big city and get their teeth cleaned over several visits. I hope they do. I hope Dr T remembers this when he sees that I did not get that tooth clean. . . until then I will keep trying!

How can I keep practicing?

I feel so icky, discouraged, failure, criticized, lacking, not good enough, sick to my stomach, anxious, about to be fired!

These feelings have been growing ever since I started working in Duchesne as a dental hygienist. It started with an 85 yr old woman who had several mobile teeth. She had clean teeth above the gumline but underneath was a different story. She declined bite wings. I had a mere pano to work with. She was treatment planned for 4 quads SRP and extraction of 23-26 with placement of bridge from canine to canine. She appeared on my schedule for 2 quads in 1 hour. I started. I only got one quad done. It was intense. She stated that her previous dentist in Duchesne (recently retired) never cleaned like that. After explaining that he was a good dentist and that I do things different I realized that her calculus had been forming since 1974! I did another quad another day. 19 was very mobile and 15 mm pocketing. I told the dr after her appointment that I did not get that tooth very clean. I said it was too deep and too encrusted added to that the prognosis was not good. She is 85! At this appointment the patient also told me she was getting a hip replaced after her cleaning. I told the Dr this. Several appointments later the patient had some extractions. The Dr added some more teeth to the extraction list due to her surgery. He saved them and showed me all the calculus on the teeth. I said Yup-I told you! I feel so horrible. This woman paid $600+ for me to clean her teeth and I didnt do a very good job. UGH! I feel just retched.

Yesterday another patient came in for extraction. Dr found calculus on it also. I had done cleaning on him. I am a failure! I cannot clean teeth to save my life. No wonder I needed remedial training in school. Have I ever been able to clean teeth? For the last 3 years I have had easy patients and while I admit I dont know how I survived 2010-2011. I am now positive that Dr M covered for me! How can I keep working for this dentist? How can I look him in the eye knowing I am less that worth my wage! I am failing all around.

I have ZERO satisfaction in work. I want to hide in a cave somewhere so no one can see my failures and weight gain. I want to quit and give up!

Possible solutions: better instruments, longer appointment time, some validation that I can actually remove deposit on teeth!

I did have pictures of said teeth-but blogger is not letting me add the photo or change who I give permission to read my blog! I want to give up fighting with computers.

Camping, Jumping, and no bears. . . oh my!

Good 'Ole Dino is dressed up for the harvest! It is a good thing Green River melons are so close!

Fall is just beginning; the shorter days, the cooler nights. It is exactly how I remember autumn in Utah being. 

In other words, PERFECT

We decided to go camping at what is called the Range Study and is a undeveloped area where everyone camps. There is a potty located at the entrance and the sites are man made and have self made fire circles. It is a popular area to park campers because it is free and close to ATV trails. We camped pretty far in hoping that all the trailers were just holding spots and no one would really be camping. We were pretty lucky not to have too close of neighbors especially with a ward camp out and all the bow hunting. Alas, since we were so far in we did have heavy 4-wheeler traffic at 5:30 am each morning as hunters went on their way deeper into the forest in hopes of snaring their favorite quarry.

One day we went exploring thanks to a map we scored from the Ashley National Forest. Scott took us on the Sheep Creek Canyon Geological Loop. It was amazing! Rock formations and sandstone towers and layers and layers of rock that looked like it had been thrust vertical during some violent event. It was beautiful! I loved the canyon and the vast changes in such a short distance.

We stopped at an overlook near Flaming Gorge. Suzie was less than impressed to be taking a picture.

Just a shot of the bridge over the Green River-I do love bridges.

Another day we did a small walk/trail between the Red Canyon visitors center and Canyon Rim campground. It was beautiful with great vistas overlooking the water far below!

Most of the trail was pretty rocky and sagebrush-ey except for this one part with trees! I had to take a picture while Scott laughed at my silliness.

We did not have a tent until a few months ago. We had been watching ads and garage sales. Finally we found a deal at Kmart for this 10 person tent. I love it! The door is short but the center is very high. I can stand up inside and get dressed without hunching over. There is also so much room that Scott and I feel spoiled. But we figure anyone can come with us and the price of a smaller one was more expensive-so how could we pass it up? 

A feature I love about this tent is the full mesh ceiling and back side! The covering is handy to keep the heat inside the tent and to keep out the rain we had every afternoon. On the sunny afternoon when the sun is bearing down on the tent and the trail weary camper wants a quick nap, taking the cover off provides an airy, cool, and ideal napping environment. I am looking forward to the night that is clear and I am able to lay and look at the stars while protected from flies, mosquitoes, and munching deer. 

Suzie had so much dirt to roll in, smells to sniff, poop to eat (dang cows), grasshoppers to catch, bees to chase, ants to torment that she would poop out in the tent (in above pic) or on the ground!

One afternoon Scott and I were playing Hot Dice (aka Farkle) when I saw a bee inside the tent. I ran inside and zipped up the window trapping the bee. Suzie discovered it and went in predator mode!

She could not lean against the tent because the nature of tents are taut slippery vinyl. Suzie figured out how to jump up to get the bee. 

She really can jump!!! I had been telling Scott how much she jumps at home. I decided to buy her a hula hoop. She is getting pretty good and jumping through the hula hoop yet I had no idea she could jump this high! She really wanted that bee-which she did get and proceeded to toss the dead carcass into the air and then go and pounce on it! She played with that bee until there was nothing left. 

Needless to say it was a successful and enjoyable camping trip! And luckily the bears stayed out of our campground so we were safe and we didnt have to sacrifice Suzie for an appetizer!

Another project DONE!

Scott and I have been planning and working toward getting sod by winter. We finally reached our goal! 

We rented a tiller. It was a beast of a thing and kicked up so much dust that Scott had dirt on the skin of his legs-the dust got under his jeans, over the cowboy boots and onto his legs-amazing! After tilling we raked and tried to make it level. 

This is the South view from front step.

This is the North view from the front step

We started laying sod. I wanted to show you how I painted the trim of the house and ran out of brown paint right at the bottom ha ha ha ha I guess I have to wait for another 'free paint' weekend at ACE Hardware so I can finish. I have painted so much of our house with free paint this summer. I am so lucky. We have only had to purchase 3 gallons-2 gallons for living room, 1 gallon for red trim in picture above. I have used many free quarts-2 blue for bathroom, 1 dark blue for trim, 1 brown for outside trim, 1 white for ceilings. I have painted 1 living room, 1 bathroom and 1 bedroom so far. 

Scott sticking his tongue out at me since I am slacking and he is working. . . he really did most of the work. I was slow and weak. Scott was so kind to not get upset at me for taking a break and resting my arms. I am so honored to be part of the Stewart team. 

The rolls were 2' x 5 ' (10 sq feet) and heavy. We laid 1700 sq feet. 

My muddy shoes and South view of lawn

North view of lawn. We had to get another load of sod. The trailer was loaded and we knew we would need to make 2 trips to the sod farm. First load was 2.5 pallets. Each pallet is 1 ton. The trailer we had could barely hold that. We went for second load and it was about 3/4 ton and finished up the lawn with 7 rolls to spare.

We started this project on Wednesday morning. We knew we would not want Suzie in our way so we planned with the vet to have her spayed at the same time. Not only were we dogless for a night but now the sod has a few days to take root while Suzie heals.  We took her to the vet Wednesday afternoon and went to pick up first load of sod. We picked up Suzie on Thursday about 3 pm. She was groggy and uncomfortable. She watched us lay a little sod and then crawled into her bed to rest. This morning Suzie and I went outside just before 6 am and she ran half way and pooped out. She is so sore and tired. She has only been out a few times to do her business and then she is back to laying next to us on the couch. We also had her dew claws removed and so she has 5 incisions. She wants to lick them so bad. We had to get a cone. Today we took the cone off and told her 'no' when she would lick her wounds. She now reaches to lick and stops herself. She knows she should not lick but her instinct tells her to lick yet she obeys us. She is such a good dog. I am constantly amazed at how well she listens and how trained she is. I hope she heals fast so she can enjoy the lawn with us!