My Christmas

My Christmas vacation started with a drive by of the burning Provo Tabernacle. Maria was so kind to bring Melissa all the way to Spanish fork just to have lunch with me!

We just had to drive by the tabernacle.

My sister Jo Ann has been in Delaware for the last few months. she was introduced to Scrapple. A local delicacy that is pretty interesting. It is a pork product that is eaten for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Alone or with an egg. It was pretty interesting stuff. I am glad to say I have tried it.

My mom has an amazing winter village that she has not put up for years. This year she was too tired. Jo Ann and I cleared off the bookcase while she was at work and she promptly started putting up the village. My sister Lori helped. It was so fun to see my mom so excited.

AJ is my youngest nephew. He is 9 months old and is so big. He is eating graham crackers for the first time right here. He finally got a tooth in!

Tuesday Dec 21 Delta received quite a bit of snow. Jo Ann and I got bundled up just to go play.

My mom was trying to find her Bronco

My mom and I starting a snowman

Jo Ann and my mom making snow angels

Me and my mom making snow angels. My mom is completely giddy in snow and promptly plopped down for an angel. She acted like she was 17 years old ha ha ha good good times

Mom found some more village stuff. It was on sale before Christmas for 50% off. She just 'had' to get a few more pieces to fill the book case! 

My niece Shay is in a singing group that went caroling. Shay is the second from the left. She had such expressive facial expressions while singing. Too fun!

Christmas Eve we decorated cookies for Santa. Lori and her son Ty

Jo ann and Ty

Shay

Jo Ann made us t-shirts for Christmas. Mine said Wonder Ann (my nickname) Brent (my bro) loves Modern Family and his wife Jenni is pregnant. Her shirt said Prego Princess in sparkly pink decals. We all loved our shirts.  And Brent WTF?

Over all Christmas was great fun. I realized Josh is an ass. And that a year ago Dan and I decided to get divorced. It still hurts.

I have decided to stay in Portland for a few more months. I am not sure why it just seems to be the thing to do. I miss everyone in Utah so much. I hate being alone out here. But I choose to live here and now I have to accept it. I can be happy or sad.

Happy New Year!

Whew We Made It

I survived another over the top party. My ward had their Christmas party on Friday.

The wedding arches almost made me loose my mind. I was wondering why do we need them? This is not a wedding. People are coming to see Santa, eat and go home.

Yet I gave 11 hours to this party. And I was not alone. There were tons of us working. The amount of man hours that went into this party was amazing. Luckily many ward members stayed and cleaned up. I was so exhausted.

I was in charge of the Santa picture station. I put the tree together and decorated it and the presents-isn't the chair amazing? Then I did the center pieces. Then I cooked. For some reason this ward does not send around the list to sign up for funeral potatoes, salad, rolls, dessert (with the ward supplying the ham and drink). Oh no. So Janice (VT partner-see Halloween post) and I worked and worked to heat up yams, hams, potatoes, pies, rolls, green beans, made punch and fresh cream for the pies. It was exhausting. I am amazed. How did we not exceed the budget? How come the ward does not bring food? Is this a new thing? I admit that I have not been to many ward activities but I seem to remember sign up sheets going around.

I have heard a rumor that Church wide the activities committee is being dissolved. Wards have up to 6 months to phase them out. And then they will go away as well as the budget for them. Interesting huh?

I am off to Utah again on Thursday. I am one lucky girl to be allowed to do whatever I want on the holidays!

Almost too Personal to Share.

Honest and frank post.

Josh has been a good friend. I have never thought of him romantically until April 2010. He broke my heart by getting married.

He moved in with his parents about a month after being married. He emailed me and apologized. It seemed to be a sincere and heartfelt apology. He said he made a mistake. I have sympathy because I made a huge mistake . . . DAN. I decided to listen to him and hear what he has to say.

There is definitely something between us. He is such a great healing thing for my heart. I wonder if that is all. Just rebound. I am confused. I am to the point I would rather be alone than with a man. I wonder if all men are users and moochers and porn watchers. I know you friends who are married have good honorable husbands but I wonder about the men who are not married. Josh has his faults and I can deal with them. I think I can be happy with him.

I wont move to Utah for him. I have been really hurt he wont move here for me. I have a great job. He does not; he has kids. He does not want to move here because it is so far from his children. I can respect that. But I am worth moving for. I am. I do have a hang up with moving because I moved for Dan and we all see where that went. i am not willing to start over on a job just for a man who will turn out to be scum in about a year. I am not willing to sacrifice my life for any man. So I guess that means I dont love him.

All week I have listened to stories from girl friends who supported and worked 2 jobs etc while their spouses, boyfriends, etc used them. I have learned my lesson and will not give anything to a man again. I have to take care of me. But then I feel that is opposite of everything I thought marriage was. I thought it was about giving and sacrificing for the betterment of your family. But I am leaning toward being selfish and taking care of my and my needs. and what do I need? Nothing a man can give me-other than someone to care for.  I crave that. I want to be part of something. I want to work toward something. I want to think of someone beside myself.

I want love. Not just sex. I can get that anywhere. . . and the best thing I bought myself was a little 'bullet'. I want to be loved. I want to be the priority of some man. A man who will move to Oregon to be with me. A man who will buy me presents at Christmas. A man who will talk to me and share his life with me.

My past dictates that men do not like me. I think Josh is willing to be with me and I better take this chance. He made a mistake. He is trying to make it right-kinda. Well that is what I am thinking.

Josh does not have access to my blog. He is in the middle of an annulment/divorce

2nd Installment-no pics to break up the monotony

Last Tuesday  received a call from Dr S from Pioneer Pacific College. He offered me a job. I had applied for a teaching position at this crazy school back in March He said he had kept my application in hopes that I would accept a position when there was an opening. I was all sorts of flattered that someone kept my resume for 8 months when I cannot get a single dental office or chain pharmacy to call me for an interview. I do not know why I look so bad on paper that no one will call me.

I was thrilled at the chance to teach pharmacy technician classes at the overpriced college. I am not ashamed to say I would teach at this school. I know they are crazy but I know I would enjoy teaching and would love to get some experience to build my resume. I also would love to have some more income!

I called Dr S back and he said he had a position available for 12 hours a week some night classes and some day. I mentioned I worked during the day. He told me he would call me back the following morning when he got into his office and we could work out a schedule. Well he did not call. He called the following night-I let it go to voicemail. He said he worked all day rearranging the schedule so that I would have only night classes. He asked me to call him anytime Friday. I called him Friday 3 times and left 2 messages. I heard nothing back until Tuesday (two days ago). He urgently expresses how he has to meet me TODAY and that he needs to get me hired so I can be ready for the new term.

By now I am a little irritated with Dr S. How come he was so irritated and urgent with me when I was the one doing everything I could to get this job. I was in Utah. I could not meet him. He was the one who had not called me back. It was frustrating.

In the meantime I left friends and family in Utah. I cried and cried. I was not at all excited to go home to my empty, cold, dark apartment. I walked into the apartment and after turning up the heat I logged onto KSL to look for jobs in Utah. I decided I was moving back. There was a job in Highland Heights. I applied.

Tuesday I told my Dr that I applied for a Utah job and he was torn. He wanted me to be happy and said he would give me a great reference; but he wanted me to stay. He even offered to take my last patient so I could leave and go meet Dr S. My dr hates to do cleanings and so I knew that I was so lucky to have him as a boss. He really wants me to stay.

So Dr S. . . I called him Tues before I left work and he said he would have to call me back. I was frustrated with him. I do not have a car and was going to buy Dan's car-out of desperation- just to get to this job. Dr S finally called me back and said. . . Mary Ann how did you hear about us? I was surprised. . . I said ummm you called me last week. Needless to say the conversation turned to how soon I could meet him. I said not for a few days. I then mentioned that I had plane tickets for Christmas in Utah. He said Oh, I cannot hire you then. I don't have anyone to cover those classes.  There you go. I did not get the job.  I am secretly relieved. Dr S was a scatterbrain. Yet I would love to work 12 hours a week teaching. Longest story ever.

I am conflicted. My lease is up. I am homesick. I am lonely. I am TERRIFIED to make a decision. I obviously cannot be trusted to make good decisions. My last major decision turned out shitty. I am paralyzed with fear of making the wrong choice. What do I do? Do I move back to Utah? Do I date Josh? Do I stay in Portland? Do I buy Dan's car? Do I renew my lease? What do I do? ? ? ?

1st Installment

I cannot believe I have not posted for almost a month. What is my deal? I am sure you are all dying to know what I am up to. ha ha ha.

I went to Utah for Thanksgiving. It was so much fun. I lost my voice after talking and talking and talking to all my dear friends. I have missed you all so much. I cannot even begin to express how lonely Portland and my apartment is right now. I dreaded entering my cold, dark and empty apartment. It has been a hard couple of days. Luckily I have been working and my patients and co-workers and Dr have helped me adjust back into Portland life.

I have been busy making those little bags for a few friends. Thank you for letting me make them! It has been fun. My newest project has been gloves. They are texting gloves-with trigger finger and thumb fold-away flaps. These were for my sister Jo Ann in Delaware. I feel so amazing making these. brag brag brag.

My nephew Ty and I at the high school's production of Beauty and the Beast. Ty's fav was Gaston and my niece Shay kept questioning the beast and if 'for really real in real life was he a beast?'  I just want to go on record that I was in Utah 10 days and put contacts in 0 times and make-up on three times.

This is my cute mom. She has Celiac (gluten allergy) for about two years. This is her eating her favorite cottage cheese and peaches WITH her first sandwich in two years! She finally found bread she liked. It has been a search and a miracle. She ate a whole loaf in about 3 days (the loaves are tiny with only about 10 slices). Her highlight was having an 'actual sandwich with miracle whip and turkey' She then enjoyed french toast and toast with her daily cup of hot chocolate.  She is the cutest cutest cutest woman in the world.

She even let Shay do her hair.

Ty and Shay were being so cute playing together with an i-Touch. I have enjoyed them so much this trip. I miss them so much.

My sister and her cute kids. I am so glad she shares them with me. I miss her. She is such a strong woman and I am proud to call her sister.

Bag Completed.

I finished a bag today. I love it. It is so cute and little. It is white with a light blue/seafoam/turquoise trim. (I don't remember the official color name). It stands about 7 inches high and is 9 inches wide. I am willing to mail it to anyone who wants it. I would appreciate $8 to cover yarn and shipping. I know I think it is cute and even I don't have a use for it. I understand if this is just too much. I enjoyed making it and might start another one. Maybe a red one? Who knows.

This Week

I made this gift bag this week. It is white with red and green speckles. I think it will be a cute Christmas bag. It needs a ribbon to complete the whole bag.

Yesterday I arrived at work at 6:20 am. I needed some cash and ran to the ATM about 3 blocks from my office. Downtown Portland streets are covered in homeless sleepers at this time of day. I had to step over some to get to the ATM and prayed I would be safe. I get my cash and head to my office. I look down the street and see this.

It is really quite beautiful and peaceful in person. I am not a photographer and cannot capture the emotion of the scene.

I have really really enjoyed working in downtown Portland. It can be full of crazies and weirdos but what city doesn't. And what I like even more than the wee hours of the morning lights is the fall colors

This is the view from my op. There is fog on the West Hills and it is just lovely. The leaves are vibrant and wonderful.

I am so happy to be working in an office with such an amazing view. It really is wonderful watching it through out the day. Watching the marine layer of clouds burn off as the sun comes up. I love watching the sun hitting the West Hills as the sun comes up. It is completely wonderful.

I am in a conflict. My office has been slow. I am only working 3 days a week and usually go home early. I love my office. Everyone there is perfect. We are a great team. I need more. I have been trying to find a Monday job and have not been successful. Do I quit and take a full time position with a dentist who is not as great but I get the hours? Do I stick out the slow times in hope that they will get better? I have sold my truck and cut back my personal expenses. I am trying to make things work. I do not want to quit. My mind wonders if I should move to Utah. I miss my family and friends. I am alone here in Portland. The job market in Utah scares me very much. How can I survive in that environment? I am not a cute skinny Utah perky woman. I feel I would be passed up on jobs because of my looks and not my skills. So I guess I will stay here in this great office and ride out the slow times. Unless anyone knows of an office who wants a great hygienist!

I love self portraits. I am a salt shaker. Pepper was missing. Hmmm where is he?

This is my friend and visiting partner Janice. She has been my therapy for many a sad day. Together we made 40 lbs of apples into 6 roasting pans of apple crisp.

I am on the activities committee with Janice. We had to start setting up at 9 am for a 6 pm party.I helped assemble this scene. It is hanging from the ceiling with fishing line. I was the helper to a contractor who is one of the sexiest men in my ward. I am so happy to report he is happily and lovingly married.

I also hung two spiders from the ceiling, and several umbrellas with spiders and bats and beads hanging from them.

I did not put the pots on the tables full of sparkly easter grass type stuff with spiders and skeletons on top of cheese cloth.

I was in charge of homemade root beer since I was the only Utah mormon on the committee. Everyone was fascinated that I knew how to make it. And that I had the recipe in my head. I was shocked they had never had it before. Weird Oregonians. I can find anything I want in the grocery store from gluten free flours and mixes to natural toothpaste and churizo so it did not occur to me that root beer flavoring was not available. I drove around forever trying to find it. Janice found it at a cake decorating specialty shop. It was hard candy flavoring. So I had to do math since it is 4x as strong as extract. It was still really strong. I ended up watering my first batch down. The worst part of it was since it used little flavoring it was a pale dirty brown color. Not a rich color. It looked like watered down soda but it was not. It was full of flavor and was a big hit. Most of the ward members had never had homemade root beer. Children were fascinated with the dry ice effects and the adults were intrigued with the overall concept and product. It was a hit.

I enjoyed this party of over 250 people. Almost everyone dressed up-adults included. It was so much fun even though I was chained to the root beer table making sure everyone had 7 oz of drink. Yes, the committee chair is a little OCD or something. Last party they had to measure 150 balloons with a tape measure to ensure they were all identical. We had to measure the umbrellas and beads on the ceiling. It was time consuming. Then I was told to get 9 oz cups and put 2 oz ice and 7 oz root beer into each cup. Hilarious! I so did not. I gave people what they wanted even refills! We did run out but not until the very end so I feel good about it. Overall it was a fun party and I am glad I went. I usually avoid ward family parties being single and alone.

I am Amazing

Check out this bag! I made this! I made the tube handles! Me! I also made the flowers on the handles!

As per my last post I have been on a crochet kick. It has been a challenge I have enjoyed tackling it. Dan noticed my excitement and interest and asked me to make a bag for his daughter Anna. He paid me well. (so confused about that) It took me about 6 days from start to unravel to unravel again to finish.

  I found this yarn that I thought would be great. Then Dan told me she wanted a green one. I totally lucked out. This pattern was a challenge to me. I called my mother so many times and last Sunday I unraveled the whole thing. I am really pleased with how it turned out.

I want to make me a smaller one--a scripture bag size.

Yarn, Hooks, Needles and Slippers

Two weeks ago was General Conference. I walked down to Jo Ann Fabric near my house and purchased yarn. My initial intention was to make dishcloths for Christmas gifts. While I was there I found a cute pattern for a bag. My little sis just moved to Delaware to nanny and lives on the coast and needed a seashell bag. So I made that during Conference.

I caught the bug to crochet some more.

I am not very experienced. Monday I went to get more yarn and found a book with patterns for crocheting dishcloths. I made all four this week. I had to unravel this one several times and call my mother twice before I got it right.

Yesterday I was at Fred Myer and looking at their yarn I noticed a book with 16 knitted dishcloths. I totally got it. I will start soon. I need a smaller set of needles. I know how to knit only. No other stitches. So this will be my new challenge. I have not really crocheted either but I know the basics and as able to figure out these dishcloths. So I have faith I can figure out the knitting ones. And as back-up You Tube has some great instructional videos. How great!

I feel like such an old maid sitting with my slippers on and yarn ball out. But hey it is kind of fun.

Ruth you asked for the pumpkin pancake recipe....here is the link

PS I will take some orders if you want some grandma dishcloths ha ha ha but serious. what am I going to do with all these?

Bring On The Pumpkin

I think I have mentioned that I have been emotionally eating since January. My heart has been broken several times. I have lost a job I have had for a decade and a dream truck. Needless to say I am a fatty.

For a month I have been eating better and exercising. It stinks and is hard. I have bad habits and new ones are difficult. I have only lost 5 little pounds. I am discouraged. As I do I turned to food.

I decided to try these pumpkin pancakes. I am so happy that the pumpkin shortage is over and I am able to purchase the squash and enjoy. So here are pics of the pancake. I have to admit it was different than expected. Tasty and a nice break from oatmeal. but not as satisfying as I wanted it to be. Anyway, it was a good attempt at something new and I am tickled to try more pumpkin recipes as the fall progresses. Please feel free to leave your fav pumpkin item.

Modesty and Jealousy.

It is a rainy day here in Portland. I decided to take a walk to the movie theater and check out Secretariat. I loved the movie. The theater was packed. The gentleman next to me teared up toward the end of the movie. It was a moving moment. The story was inspiring. The characters were heroic and idiolic. A good story with a good message and heart.

Yet what struck me the most was the fashion. Diane Lane wore the most attractive clothing. It was modest, classy and it impressed me. I recently attended a high school football game here in Beaverton Oregon. The girls were wearing shorts so short and tight that stuff was falling out. Little camel toes everywhere. Their tank top layers were tight and since it was freezing cold their nips were out saying hello with their other parts. I felt so bad for the young men who were supposed to not stare. In 1973 there were many women burning bras and wearing daisy dukes yet the character in the movie choose to wear skirts below the knee and did not show cleavage. She looked so good so classy. I admit I do not dress nice. I wish I had more of a sense of style but I do cover myself up. I feel so old fashioned. But modesty is such a beautiful thing. Women and men who dress nice and appropriate carry themselves with dignity and respect.
I am off my soap box. . . . So Mr Blind Date has not called. I am sure he will not. I am jealous of the front office girl who got $5,200 and a free lap top to go to school this term. All due to her being a single mom. I have been wanting to take some classes to get a masters but the cost is more than I can afford and since my choices have prevented me from having a child I do not get assistance like she does. It makes me so jealous. Not only does she have a little girl but she gets money to go to school. I keep using a hand me down laptop that tests and tries my patience every time I turn it on. Somehow I feel cheated. If modesty is good I guess virtue is also. Although I could have a lot of fun and have a child and money to go to school. As it is I have no car, no boyfriend, no sex, no child, no new laptop, no cable tv and no coach or gucci bags (yes the front office has several of each). Sometimes I feel left out and quite jealous.

Just in Case

Just in case you have been wondering about my facebook post regarding my recent blind date.

My visiting teaching partner, Janice, has taken me in. She is such a sweet giving person. She like many friends is baffled that I cannot find a man. She thinks I am 'super cute, intelligent, got my sh*t together, fun, make good money'. . . the list goes on how great she thinks I am. I laugh. I honestly do not know why I cannot attract men. It is the honest truth. I think I am cute, fun, and smart.Well Janice has taken it as her mission to see me with a man.

She has known a single man in our ward. He lives with his mother due to her age and recent spouse/father death. He has a 13 year old daughter that comes to church with him every week. She pointed him out. I was jolted by his matureness. He does not have wrinkles and only a few strands of gray hair but he dressed stuffy. It hit me so hard that he is my demographic now. I am middle aged. Yikes. . . guess that means I have to date middle aged. Right then I missed Josh and his youthful ways. It hurt to admit that my dates are no longer exciting fun and young. sigh. I resisted the urge to be old so I took a pic of the back of Scott's head with my phone during sunday school--I felt younger doing something so immature.

I put Janice off for a couple months. When Josh got married I said Janice hook me up. So Tim, Janice's husband arranged the time and Janice and I made the food. We ate kabobs. Beef, chicken, shrimp, tomatoes, zucchini, mushrooms, onions, bell peppers, etc. (this is getting long). So we ate, and talked.

Scott came in a Jeep. I was feeling better already. We sat down to dinner and had a long dinner. All four of us kept talking and talking. We left the dinner table and brought everything into the kitchen. Scott thanked us for dinner and proceeded to stand with all of us in the kitchen for an hour! We moved into the living room and chatted for another hour. The whole dinner lasted 4 hours. He finally left. He said it was nice to meet me and that he had a great time. I truly think he had a great time. We had fun. Janice was ecstatic when he left. She took me home (since I am without car).

The next day she texted asking if he had called. I laughed. I am not at all concerned that he has not called. I know he had fun. I had fun. Lets just leave it at that. But Janice wants him to call so bad. More than I do. She snooped and found out he graduated high school 12 years before me. Tuesday she texted me his phone number urging me to call. I am not. I have called many men. It is time for men to be men and man up and call me. lol. It is killing Janice and my friends from work. I am going to remember the fun time. I am not going to worry that he has not called. I am not going to even begin to think how ugly, fat, annoying, self confident, and more negative things I am and that is why he did not call. I am still great and I had fun!

Happy Saturday to me! I could not resist these lovely flowers from the farmers market. I am going to miss the flowers that have decorated my home all summer when the farmers markets end.

Today I found white nectarines at the farmers market. I tried a sample and just had to buy a couple. They are oh so very sweet. Perfect compliment to their firm flesh. I am so happy munching on one right now.

Next I think I need to learn how to photograph food. . . I always just point and shoot. I should plate it and make it look amazing!

God is great! Mair is good and People are crazy!